Today will be the day I get to see my father for the first time in 17 years. As I await my destination I get this butterfly feeling, Is he going to be nice? Is it going to be like everyone else says where the child see there parents and they don't care about them? or will it be different? I know nothing of this man & so far the only person saying anything nice about him is my auntie Jennifer, but I barely know her. Why is it that in my heart I feel like I can take her word that he is a very hard working guy who cares allot about me... How can I believe that he has spent the last 17 years looking for me? or that his children knew me from the very first day they could talk. That they had a sister somewhere out there waiting to be found. To me it sounds too good to be true, but what do I have to lose?
As the plane slowly starts to go down I get a little scared, " What if he doesn't show up? What if he doesn't love me? what if he walks away from me?" I was so scared at that moment my tummy turned upside down, Who is this James? why wasn't he in my life before? why were my grandparents trying to hide me from him all these years? Is he anything like my mom said he was? A low life thug? I wanted to know...
Now the plane has finally landed and I am going down the escalator to the pick up my little black B.U.M. suitcase auntie Jennifer gave me with all my new clothes and gifts for my siblings. I took a glimpse down at my blue "Case It" school binder and thought " this is all I have left after today this is my only real memories. My poems, sketches and important papers from my old life as Julie."
As I walked toward the gate to the terminal I stopped for a second and closed my eyes " If your really up there, help me find my daddy, the one I have been longing for my whole life. Let me be loved for the first time in years, let this be the family I can call family and most of all let him be the father who will fill all the voids in my heart and love me." As I opened my eyes I started to walk outside of the gate and there he was to my right with this young red headed boy.
I wanted to run up to him and hug him tight while balling my eyes out, but I had to break the thought & remind my self to expect nothing from him or anyone..
