Be More Gill (A Falsettos shitpost)

Chapter 1

Author's note- Any misspellings or grammar issues in this story are purposeful and used for comedic effect. Also, I know Finding Nemo wasn't around in the '70s, lol.

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Jason, freshly turned twelve, should've been studying for his Bar Mitzvah. Instead, he was sitting in his mother's house, daydreaming about Heather Levin and Julie Johnson while his dad's boyfriend sat on their couch, watching Finding Nemo.

Whizzer had originally turned on the tv to watch M•A•S•H (Hawkeye Pierce was one fine-looking man) , but this was already on, and pretty boy was lazy.
"For godsake Nemo, why'd ya to touch the butt," Whizzer mumbled, fiddling with his shirt buttons.
Nemo had just been lost, and Whizzer sat with rapt attention. The screen flashed to commercial right before a shot of Marlin screaming "NemO!1!1!! WherEs My SoN hAve yOu seeN mY Son NEmo".

Whizzer had an idea.

~Meanwhile~
Mendel was crouching in a bush in the middle of Central Park, cronching on dirt. He probably shouldn't have taken that pill his patient gave him, but as we all know, hindsight is 20/20. His shirt getting torn by the thorns, he scrabbled into a rose bush to cronch that dirt. After he ate his fair share of dirt, he took an erratic walk home and admired all the dirt. When he finally stumbled into the house, Trina gasped and rushed over.
"Mendel? What in God's name happened?"
Mendel collapsed on the floor and stuttered out "CrOnCh gOoD CronCh... Need CroNch..." And then promptly passed out.