Nathaniel Jean's Senior Year

9: Nathaniel Jean's Exciter/Inhibitor

     I still had all of my insecurities and fears, though. And they still drove practically everything I did. I still wished I could be someone other than the person I was. I would change to make things easier without much thought. As long as I carried that mentality, how could I be enough for Lucas?

     But at the same time, I really wanted to just fuck it and date him.

     "I saw Beth Crampton reject Damien in the halls today," Lucas said out of the blue, his voice a muffled murmur against my shoulder. "It was really satisfying."

     "You fucking sadist," I laughed. "Details?"

     Beth Crampton was one of those girls that just about every guy at school had wet dreams about. She lived in what was probably the biggest home in Nowhere, Nebraska; she was crazy smart; she was super athletic; and she was ridiculously sexy—at least from a different viewpoint. I'd hooked up with her once last year—ugh—and she and Shawn Morgan had a sort of on-again-off-again thing going on. I knew that she'd at some point gotten with Trevor and Cameron and Tyler, leaving Damien Diggory as the only one of us who hadn't tasted Crampton. The boys loved to make fun of him for it, so I'd known it was only a matter of time before he made a move.

     "He sauntered up to her like he was the shit and did the creepy jock thing where he put his hand on the locker behind her and got all in her face. She told him to fuck off before he even opened his mouth."

      Okay, he was right. That was really satisfying. "Bitch deserved it," I grumbled. Lucas huffed.

     "Amen to that."

     "Beth dodged a major bullet. Damien probably gave her an STD just breathing on her."

     Lucas snorted, but a thought hit me then. Lucas had hooked up with Damien Diggory. That was a fact. Damien Diggory loved sex. That was another fact. Lucas wasn't a virgin. Fact number three. So . . .

      "Hey Lucas?"

     "That's my name."

     "How many times did you and Damien—"

     Lucas cut me off with a loud groan. "We are not having this conversation."

    "Humor me," I pleaded. "How many times?"

     I felt him shrug. "A few, I don't know. Four or five, maybe. I've blocked out those memories."

     Jesus Christ, that was more than I'd been expecting. "Oh . . . Okay. When?"

     "Nate."

     "Lucas."

     "Sometime last year. You done?"

      "Not quite. Did you guys, like . . ." I felt myself blushing at even the thought of asking. "Did you . . . Have sex?"

      "Oh my fucking—"

      "Answer the question."

      Lucas sighed. "Yes. I had sex with Damien Diggory. More than once. You happy?"

     I most certainly was not happy. As curious as I'd been, hearing him say it made my stomach drop. I couldn't imagine that pair ever happening. Damien with a guy, Lucas with a guy as dumb as Damien . . . It didn't seem right at all. Or maybe that was just jealous-Nate talking.