Reading Between The Lyrics

Reading Between The Lyrics - Chp 17 {In The Aftermath}

‘I am stubborn in the buildup. But it’s the aftermath I need you most. I need you. This cold and barren war zone depicts a world of greed. But with your kisses you can resurrect the sun and the beat. Cause I need to hear the beat of my heart.’ – Riley May – In the Aftermath

“Come here baby.” Chad murmured sweetly holding his hand out for me as he watched me with tender eyes that I now recognized.

I looked at his hand as this large part of longing filled me; I was amazed at how such a simple gesture could have my heart swelling and fluttering. How such a simple gesture I could find so utterly touching and beautiful – like a dream come true.

My gaze followed up the length of his arm ‘till my eyes met his, his eyes were searching my own for my actions or rather lack thereof actions. His eyes looked so vulnerable as he searched my face, as if the simple gesture of me ignoring his outstretched hand he’d crumble to ash before me. It was in that moment that I realized just how reliant Chad was on me, I always thought that it was me who solely relied on him and putting such strain. Yet at that very moment looking into his pleading eyes he tried so hard to hide I could see just how much he relied and needed me and that was such an empowering thing for when all I’ve ever had care or rely on me is my father. It was empowering to feel wanted and needed rather than me being always the needy victim.

My hand slid into Chad’s open waiting hands and I couldn’t help the shy smile that danced along my lips as he released a sigh of relief. His hand wrapped firmly around my own as he tugged me so tight up against his side that I could feel every edge of his body against my own. It was silent as he hoisted my guitar case and more over his one shoulder with ease, his other arm wrapping around my shoulder ‘till my head was buried, tucked snugly under his chin. He ended the most erratic heart beating moment as he pressed his lips to the crown of my head and left them firmly planted their as he walked me to his car.

We were silent the entire time, from the walk to the car where Chad opened the door for me and helped me in whilst he loaded the car after turning the heating up for me and brushing his lips across my forehead. Finally he got in the car and turned it on, the music playing along in the background beautifully as he reached over and weaved his fingers through with my own and held my hand to his lips as we drove. I blamed the lull of the hypnotic music and the late cool night as I let my head fall onto his shoulder but I knew that I was just caving into my heart’s desires as the grudge I was holding against him was speedily melting away.

There was this inner debate burring deep within me as my eyes began to flutter closed as Chad ran his fingers through my hair. There was this part of me that just wanted to forget the past nine awful days of my life where I hadn’t heard from Chad and I was an emotional mess – granted I was a mess over my mother but he had played a part in the tears. But there was this other part of me, this part that was more afraid than angry. I was afraid of the possibility of him leaving all over again, of him the next time not ever coming back.

Could I really just act like nothing had happened to me in those nine days?

It was so complex when you loved the person that had hurt you, the emotions you felt clashed. It had you questioning, if you wanted to kiss and be held by the guy you loved did that mean you’ve forgiven him? Because I did, I wanted to be held by Chad and be comforted and cared by him. I wanted to catch up on all those nights and kisses that I had missed because of my own stupidity and blindness and I just wanted to cherish the fact that Chad was back in my life again. Yet there was this fear and hurt within me still and I didn’t even know if I could just let go of it or even how to let go of it.

“Shorty?” he cooed to me suddenly bringing me out of my blissful daze as he bought my hand to his lips again.

I moaned softly as I squirmed and stretched rubbing my eyes with my free hand “What?” I mumbled groggily.