SOKOVIA ✦ marvel oneshots

captain rogers

Brooklyn Nine-Nine AU

Part 1

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Captain Rogers stared at his precinct in disdain. Newly transferred, he now understood why Captain Banner resigned from his position.

But, he was prepared to not give in. He was here with a mission, and that was to whip the detectives into shape, no matter how challenging it would be.

Detective Natasha Romanoff, he noted, as well as Detective ___ ___ seemed to be the only normal detectives around. That was a shock to him; Natasha would flip the pocket knife she had on her at all times on anyone who stood too close to her, and ___ would throw detective Thor Odinson's own mouldy food at him whenever he stood near her desk, or tried to go near the coffee machine, stating, "He would contaminate it."

"Gather around detectives," Steve roared over the harsh noise his detectives made. "I've only been this precincts captain for two days, and I am disappointed in what I've seen."

"I'm sorry, Captain," Sergeant Tony told him as he sighed deeply, and regarded everyone else in the room with a look Steve decided was hopelessness. "I tried to get them to behave."

Steve nodded appreciatevely at the tired man. "I've noticed your hard work, Sergeant Stark. Which is why I will be excluding you from the task."

"That's so unfair. I don't think you guys should allow that. Complain to H.R for favouritism," Clint said as he sipped his coffee, and smiled sneakily.

Steve glared at the assistant who spent his days browsing the web and doing none of his work. "You have no say in this, Barton."

"Captain Rogers!" Natasha called out. Her arms were crossed, and she took a few steps towards Clint's desk. "Permission to hit this man?"

Steve weighed the idea. It was tempting to him, but he decided letting harm come to the useless assistant wouldn't do any good. "Denied."

Clint gasped and held his coffee mug close to his chest. "Hit me for what, Natasha?"

The red head stared him down, her face blank. "For being an idiot," she said, voice void of emotion."

"I'm submitting a compliant."

Natasha smiled evily, and Steve shuddered at the twisted gleam in her eyes. "A dead person can't submit complaints."

"Captain!" ___ said excitedly as she gazed at Steve in awe. "I just want to say that I'm a big fan of you - no, no wait, I mean I'm glad you're here. I don't have a blog dedicated to your years of service or anything. That would be weird. And, I totally did not write a 10 000 word essay on your outstanding case solves." She frowned. "Dammit."

Steve was weirdly flattered and simply nodded, unsure what to say to ___.

"Pay up," Detective Bucky Barnes, partner of Natasha, snickered and held out his hand to ___'s partner, Detective Sam Wilson, who handed him a crisp $10 bill. "I told you she'd do that."

Detective Wade Wilson walked in, and Steve wondered where he had been the entire time, until he noticed the toilet paper stuck to the detective's foot. "Detective Wilson," Steve said. "Do you always spend two hours in the bathroom?"

Wade laughed loudly. "Of course not, silly." He kicked off the toilet paper. "It's usually three hours. Hey, anyone wanna see this giant pimple I have on my ass? I think it's moving."

The room erupted with groans, gags, and Natasha screaming that she'd put him into a chokehold if he came near her.

"Leave," Sam hissed with a disgusted look on his face. "Don't make me get out the spray bottle."

"Go to your shame place, Wade." ___ pointed to a corner on the far side of the room. When Wade didn't move, Natasha jerked towards him threateningly, causing him to flinch back.

With his head hung in shame, Wade started walking to the corner and muttered, "Fuckers."

"So, Captain," ___ said as she peered at Steve multiple times while scribbling something down. "What was this task?" She continued writing, only pausing to ask, "How tall are you again? Never mind, I remembered."

Steve opened the file in his hands and pulled out a page filled with the pictures of wanted criminals. "I want you to find and bring in all of the people on this page. You have until the end of this day."

Bucky rubbed his hands together excitedly. "Cool. What do we get if we do this?"

Thor perked up, finally interested in the conversation. Much to Steve's annoyance, the man had been picking off the vegetables from his lunch and chucking them at Wade's shame corner. "Can I get ___'s desk?" he asked. ___ vehemently protested at that. "Mine is stained."

Steve stared at the two men for 3 whole minutes straight. "You get to keep your jobs," he spat, turned on his heel and strode back into his office.