Rant Book

The Right to Complain to People?

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my friends dearly, and I'm always willing to help anyone who needs it, but I swear, sometimes I feel like all I am for them is someone to vent to, which is fine. But honestly, I feel like I'm helping to calm at least one person down every day. And I only have three friends. And then I look back at my life, the stress, anxiety, and depression, and I just... I feel I don't really deserve to complain about my life. They have it so much worse, you know? Like, I have a decent life, I know I do, but I still find things to complain or worry about. And when I hear their problems and comfort them through things, I just... completely block out my own problems and emotions. I don't think that's healthy, but I do it anyway.  And then I do the exact same thing when I'm talking with my online friends, but that doesn't mean I'm complaining about their lives, don't get me wrong. I appreciate it when people vent to me. Like, wow, you actually trust me enough to come to me with real problems you've been having. And I'll always help and support people, no matter what. But this whole "holding in my own problems" thing is one of the reasons I'm making this rant book. I guess this is my way of just sharing my problems with you guys, because I know I won't really open up otherwise. I mean, sometimes, I'll slide my problems into a role play, and that's how I'll vent to them without them knowing it's a personal problem. I don't really know what compelled you to read this and get this far, but thanks if you are.

I'm kind of the only person my friends open up to. I'm their shoulder to lean on, and they actually tell me the secrets and events they won't tell anyone else. I'm not going to give any examples, because it's their privacy and I'm respecting that, but they can sometimes get really deep and personal, and I just won't know how to respond for a moment, or just at all. But I still try to find ways to get them to smile again or to try and comfort them or try and find a way through the problem. I'm kind of their personal therapist, I guess.  And I do love helping them, but I mean, then I just kind of put my own problems in a box. I really don't know how to stop doing that. I mean, who cares about the amount of homework I have to do or that I could be having a small problem with stress or anxiety when my friend is over there freaking out because of a personal problem that won't be described? What's the point in complaining about these little, petty problems when there are these bigger things going on with other people? I don't really have the right to complain. I dunno, that's just how I feel. You can tell me different, I guess, but that's just the honest thing that goes through my mind.

If you actually took the time to read this, then I'm sorry you had to sit through that. Or stand or whatever. And I guess if you're relating to this, then maybe we can talk and try to figure out something to do? Well, I guess that's all for now, so bye.