Secret Desire

Chapter Twenty Three- "Don't Tell Me You Didn't Miss It."

            “This other gang was trying to come at them and the only way to get back at them was for me to kill this person. I didn’t want to do it Bella; I tried to not do it. If you think even for a second that I wanted to kill him you’re crazy. This gang wouldn’t let me not do it though. They said if I didn’t then they would kill me. So what was I supposed to do? You were the only thing on my mind that night when I had to make that decision but I chose to kill that person because if I didn’t I would have gotten killed and that means I wouldn’t have the chance to be with you.”

            As soon as I finished, I felt the air become colder between us. The only thing I could hear was her heavy breathing and the sound of the wind blowing through the trees. It was eerily silent because she didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes; she just kept looking up towards the sky, her brain working in all different ways as she processed all of this.

            “So you aren’t in it anymore?”

            “No.” I quickly said. “Bella I swear to you I’m out of it.”

            “Well do they know this?”
            “Not exactly, but they aren’t going to see my face again so I’m pretty sure that answers their question. I did the job they wanted and that was the end of it.”
            She finally grabbed my hand with hers and entwined our fingers together, making my heart want to jump out of my chest right then and there. This was the feeling I’ve been longing for. Did she forgive me? What does this mean?

            “I’d be lying to you if I said I wasn’t scared of you.” She said quietly. “But if you truly were forced to do this then I’m going to have to accept that and believe you. I would have done the same thing if I was in your situation.”

            “So does this mean…”

            “Yes.” She answered my question for me and sent me a small smile. “But it’s going to take awhile for me to look at you the same Justin. I can’t get the picture out of my head of the knife going into him. Do you understand how that made me feel? How scared I was?” The tears that were in her eyes back in the kitchen finally fell over the rims and onto her cheeks.

            “Please come here.” I pulled her closer towards me, making her wary at first whether or not to give in, but she eventually let me put her in my lap and wrap my arms around her waist. “I know what you saw scared you. Believe me, I was petrified. That was the last thing I wanted you to see and if I could do anything to take it back I would.”

            “But what if the police catch you?” She asked, completely horrified.

            “They can’t catch me when the weapon is in the middle of the ocean.” I chuckled. “I’m more concerned about you being back together with me again than of the police catching me.”

            I could feel her bare skin run against my leg, making my stomach crave in desire for her. She was wearing a floral dress, which she knew always had an effect on me. After a couple of minutes of sitting in complete silence, she finally relaxed into me and leaned her back up against my chest.

            “You’re beautiful.” I whispered into her ear. “And rumor has it you’re in love with me.”

            I couldn’t see her face at the exact moment, but I could just picture it as red as a tomato right now. She was probably cursing herself for even saying that to me in the first place but she had nothing to be embarrassed about.

            “Sorry.” She mumbled and let out a nervous giggle. “I was kind of in the moment.”

            “So you didn’t mean it?”