Realm

1.

I look around the parking lot. Why does all faces look the same. I mean I can't tell from them apart. I can't find a single person I know.

Okay. You can say I can see people that I some what know. There is... Kayla. Oh wait. That's not her. Umm...there is.. Oh wait. There's Milo. Finally a familiar face.

"Milo" I yell out from across the parking lot. I run up to him, and tap his arm. He turns around. And it's not Milo.

"Excuse me. Do I know you?" The stranger says harshly.

I struggle for words. "I uh. No. I..." Oh. I thought you were my best friend, Milo. That would sound kind of stalkerish to say. I feel my cheeks getting red.

I turn on my heel, to get away from the tall stalk of embarrassment. I just don't understand. He looked like Milo.

Everybody looks the same to me. It seems I only see black and white. I can't fully see color, for other people's atequ. Their personalities, meaning to say.

I walk to the sidewalk, and walk into the school. There has to be a reason why my view of people is different from them all. Isn't everybody's view on people different?  I want to keep telling myself that it's just my brain, but I know it's not my brain, that continues to fuck up all the time.

My brain is like basically saying 'Your blind, but you can still see. Your deaf, but still you can hear.' I can't compose on a deal with so much of an difficulty, that would consider myself as such a bad person. I mean yeah, all things are true. But I should feel...differently. I shouldn't feel fine, when called the ridicule names. I should be angry, I should be upset. But I'm just fine.

I walk by person, by person, and still, they look the same. A face with no details. Nothing that I can grab as a clue to who they are. It's only a sign that, I am different from the others, that can search for an unique flair. I can't find what I need.

I'm only a small person in a big world.

How am I suppose to find what I lost? Why am I still trying, and not giving up?

Everyone is giving an perfect illusion that everything is easy! But we should all know that, that isn't true. Life is not easy. School is not easy. And to my extinct, comparisons is not easy. I should know that I'm not alone. But who else would have such an troubling mind?

Why is that, I'm the only one in this school, who has a handful of friends that I can fully trust? It's not that I wouldn't want to be their friends, it's just the matter of trusting them.

I walk into the crowded hallway of hormone-filled teenagers. Couples making out on lockers. Cigarette smoke crawling out from the men's bathroom. Strong-scented perfume coming off of each and every girl, that comes from those same bathrooms. I keep walking.

How can a school be so corrupted? I get to my locker. #1397. I swivel with the lock a couple of times. Then I put in my combination.

052711

It doesn't work. What the hell? I try again, for sure, putting in the precise information. I yank on the lock. And it doesn't budge. Is it jammed?

I sigh in frustration.

"What's the matter, babes?" Someone I wish I really knew but can't think of a name to place the face.

I back away slowly, because not only do I not know this person, but, I have no clue of what his intentions are to be.

"Get away from me," I growl. My demeanor is not phased at all. Okay. Maybe a little.

"I said 'what's the matter, Crystia' not 'lemme rape you'" I hear Milo's voice.

"Milo?" I ask in utter confusion. A face began to come to life, with visions, detailing became more visible, and color. Color was returning to the slightly concerned face in front of me right now.

"Who else would it be? Casper?" He laughs at his own joke. Eew...Dad Jokes.

"Nothing" I mumbled. I don't want to sound like a psychopath. I want to have a normal friend. And I want to be normal. Once, I almost said that, I wanted to be normal, and do normal things that normal teenager girls do.

"You don't have to be like them," my psychiatrist smiles. "Your fine, just the way you are..."

Pshhhhh. If only I knew that was a lie, I would of been left alone to die.

"Sorry Milo. I have been out of it lately" I tell him.

"You've always been out of it" he jokes. If only he knew... "Hey by the way, was that Jacob I saw you go over to?"

I can't tell if he's joking or being serious. "I uh had to give him his homework," I lie. I don't want my handful of friends to dissipate. I can't scare them away.

"Okay.." he smiles. "And what else?"

"Nothing in particular. He didn't ask me to the prom," I say more to myself than to Milo. "He was rude as usual."

"It's okay Cya. I'd be your date. Like I said a million times already" Milo cheers.

I smile a little, only to mask the somber feeling I have inside.

I look at my watch. "Oh shit. We have maybe a couple of moments to get to class. Milo, I'll see you at lunch. Are you going to the program afterschool?"

"Duh. Ain't we the co-directors in the play" He laughs.

"Oh yeah. I forget. Well see yah" I run up the stairs in order to make it to my first class.

If only I knew that, that play was gonna kill me.