Unrequited Love

Pseudo Lovers - Chapter 1

I opened my eyes to the blinding flash of sunlight that slid its way through my window. The sun up high was shining brightly as though trying to greet me a good morning. I grabbed my towel and headed for a shower. The morning cold water caressed my body, lifting it from my blurry thoughts. I got out and helped myself into a pair of jeans and a tee.

As I got myself dressed up, my eyes wandered from my reflection to the calender that was hanging beside a wall full of pictures. Today was a very important day or it should have been. The painful memory was making its way into my heart.

"December 11, huh?" I sighed as I headed to the garage and slid myself into the driver's seat.

It has been 2 months since he rejected me. It wasn't really like dumped. It was more like being friendzoned. I don't know if it had been less painful if we weren't friends but, needless to say, I broke one of the rules of friendship: Never fall in love. Too late for me to say this but I really regret that.

"Sorry. I just find it awkward now, you know? I find it awkward to approach and talk to you. The 'us' back then was better. It was better when we were friends and, for now, all I want is that friendship back... Sorry but I want some space. Let's not talk for a while," he told me in a letter, a letter that is kept within the depths of my stuffs with the memoirs of my life.

His letter felt so sincere that it broke my fragile heart. It was my first love and I tried so hard to keep my tears from rolling down my cheeks. I was at school and I can't just let anyone see me cry.

Remembering all of it now makes me feel sick. I was driving my way to school and it's not really good for a driver to have her thoughts wander somewhere else but I can't help it. After all, the man in question can look into my eyes but not talk to me. The pain stings the longer our eyes lock.

We're friends for more than 3 years now and I honestly never saw him as any love interest. True enough, he was a great guy and many girls are after him. He even made the school's top idol go for him. i mean, why not? He's tall, handsome and artistic. He's got a good personality to back it up too.

He isn't anything near perfect but he is one of the best guys there is. And I can guarantee that he doesn't play around with girl's little hearts. But then again, he was just a friend for me no matter how good I look at him.

I took a turn around the curb and my school was on eyesight. I saw some familiar faces walk past me as I drove to the parking lot. I got off, grabbed my bag and made my way to my classrooom.

So what made this turn around? A long story that would trace us way back days ago. Not really days if you think that it happened almost 2 years ago.

Back in 8th grade, I was teased to the boys I would usually hang out with. At first, it was with my close friends who spread it to my close teachers who mentioned it to some and now the whole guys do it. It's not like we took it seriously but no matter how you shrug things off, there will come a time that you'll get irritated by it, right?

"Hey. You're going with ***** now?" or "Hey. Didn't know guys like ****** are your type."

They'd throw dirty jokes on meand those guys. Not really dirty but more like irritating. I'm not the type who get really pissed off easily but this one's too personal not to get on my nerves. 

Irritated, I got fed up. Later that night, I posted a picture of him and I together with the caption, "I wish this were forever."

Sure enough, those dimwits bought it and stopped teasing me unless with him. Now that's what everyone knows but before I posted the photo, we had a small conversation.

"Hey," I greeted him on chat. My hands were struggling in typing this on the keyboard. It felt so cold, nervousness evident.

"What?" he replied after some time. He was always slow in replying. I know that. But those 5 minutes that took him to reply felt like forever. My mind was on haywire. I was overthinking things about him; that I'm might be just feeling close to him and we aren't really that close.

"Uhmm... I said you were my crush. Can you just go with it?" I asked rather hesitantly.

"Oh. Ok."

Doesn't look like a conversation between two close friends, right? He kinda changed upon reaching 8th grade. Regardless, he'd still be the same for me.

Although it looked like I simply asked him to agree, it actually took me a heart and some guts to ask him that. After all, how do you simply confess to someone whom you're with for a long time? I never showed interest in him. It might not be convincing for some.

It took me days, weeks and months to convince everyone. It was especially to convince my friends. They knew who I was interested in and that I've been in love with guy for years.

"Come on guys! I really like him!" I exclaimed while looking at them in the eye.

"Do you think we don't know you? We know you're still head over heels for HIM," my guy best friend who has known me for 5 years told me.

"Yeah. He's right. And the way you look at them is very different. Just admit this is all just a show," another best friend told me.

The act we had went on for months and I unconsciously yearned for his attention in the process. We'd talk at night about stuff and laugh at the good times. It came to the point that we can indirectly tell each other those three words anyone wants to hear.

Everything felt so good and so right. It all felt so real like it was not just some sort of an act. Like we really like each other.  Or for me it did.