Million Reasons

Chapter Forty Four: Flares

But did you see the flares in the sky?
Were you blinded by the light?
Did you feel the smoke in your eyes?
Did you, did you?
Did you see the sparks filled with hope?
You are not alone
'Cause someone's out there, sending out flares

The Script - Flares

The hospital waiting room was quiet, quieter than Sean Roman had thought was possible. In all his years on the force he could count the amount of times he had sat in a waiting rooms just like this one on one hand. The first when his mother had died eight years ago in a car accident and the ones after had been circumstances similar to this. An officer injured in the line of duty, him and a few others sticking close to reassure the family or to just be there when the officer woke up, if they woke up. It was still touch and go on Kim, this would be her third hour in surgery without any news and it was beginning to wear on him. He was an impatient man at the best of times but waiting here like this was mind numbing.

This was his fault, at least part of it was. If he hadn't swapped shifts with Maggie he could have been there, he might of seen something she hadn't, might have been able to do something. Sean jammed his hands through his short blond hair as he exhaled deeply. He didn't understand how his life had begun to fall apart so quickly. It made his heart physically ache when he thought about the possibility of losing Kim, she was one of the only constants in his life. There was a weariness in his bones, it was a deep set exhaustion that had resided with him for the longest time. It weighted him down and dragged him under until he was lost in this sea of anguish.

He felt the person drop down into the seat beside of him as he rubbed his worn facial features with the palms of his hands. There were plenty of empty seats surrounding him so it irritated him that the person had chosen to occupy the seat next to him. He placed his right hand down on the armrest, clasping it so tightly, his knuckles went white with the pressure.

"Sean." she said his name tenderly, a familiar small hand came to rest upon his. Her slender fingers coming to rest in the groove of his knuckles. Sean inhaled deeply, the sweet scent of her jasmine perfume flooding his nostrils as he stared down at their joined hands. This was what he had wanted for such a long time and right now he couldn't believe that she was right here, along side him.

"Kayla..." he murmured, turning his head towards his lover so he could see her elegant features. Her doe brown eyes were downcast as her own gaze lingered on their entwined fingers as if she couldn't quite believe it herself. He knew what it took for her to actually reach out like this and it touched him in a way that he could never tell her. He thought he was weak because he craved human contact but Sean had been lonely for such a long time before Kayla and even the most fleeting of touches between them made him feel alive again.

"I'm sorry about Kim." Kayla said, her voice full of sorrow as the two of them sat there in the quiet waiting room. "Is there anything I can do?"

Sean shook his head, a sad smile crossing his features as he brought the back of Kayla's hand to his mouth, his lips brushed over her soft skin as he spoke.

"Just stay a while." he requested, those azure eyes of his taking in the profile of Kayla's graceful features before she turned her head to him, holding his earnest gaze with one of her own. "I don't think if I have it in me to do this alone right now.

There was agony in those azure eyes and it broke Kayla's heart to see him look so run down and defeated. The past few weeks had been hard on the both of them, she knew she was flawed, parts of her were broken and she didn't know how to fix them. However when she was with Sean she never felt like that, she felt whole, she became a better person, the person she believed that she was meant to be before her whole life had been derailed.

She had lost track of the amount of times she had picked up the phone over the past few days. There were reasons for the way she was and she thought maybe Maggie had been right when she had said that Sean needed to hear them. How he could ever think there was something wrong with him fazed her, she didn't know who made him believe that but she knew she hated them. He was the most caring and compassionate man she knew and she loved him, there was no question of that in her heart. The problem was she only had so much she could give, the pieces of herself were fractured and she was still trying to fill in those gaps the best she could. One day maybe she would be able to give everything to him but for now he would have to settle with everything she had.

"I'll stay." she told him, resting her cheek upon his shoulder, her thumb ghosting along the outline of his hand reassuringly. "I'll stay as long as you need."