[MN: Brace yourselves, the monstrosity's coming! Oh noes! 😱]
Chapter 1 - i meet edword in da school [MN: You mean Eddsworld? Oh my, a reference!]
hay [MN: Chew on hay, jerk!] guyz my nami [MN: That means wave in Japanese, right? And it's also the name of a One Piece character, huh?] is Twila Beautiful PSyco Topaz Cullem. [MN: Whoa, Topaz may seem like a nice name, but WHAT KIND OF PARENT NAMES THEIR KID PSYCO? They may be a mad person. Also should I suggest the surname should be Gollum, because MY PRECIOUS~!] i go 2 skewl in waschington wif da SEXIIEST VAMPYRE EVER [MN: You mean sexy as hell? *faints*], hiz name iz edward cullen n he iz sooo sexii n hot [MN: (insert wolf whistle here)] n gerad way mite play him in da movi TWILITE!1 [MN: Mind you, some other guy played him, so this was written before the Twilight movie was released.] omfg i wuld hav an organism lolol [MN: Sing it with me, kids: TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL]
but neway [MN: Norway point #1] dis iz mi stori [MN: Spanish, huh?] its called XXX TWILA, THE GURL WHO WAS IN LUV WIF A VAMPIR XXX' [MN: Triple Xs? Wow. I. Am. So. Impressed.] ok btw im gothik n so is edword [MN: Another Eddsworld point! *applause*] so we wer ment to b ok! so haterz bak off n if u lyk bella den FUK U! [MN: Send them off to a den already! I hope they get eaten by a bear or any other creature that may live there!] ok thanx 2 my editar, Midnite Cullen (dnt get ne ideaz shez not marred 2 ed, she iz maried 2 jasper) [MN: Is Jasper a Cullen? Or is it her maiden name? Or do they share the same surname?]
plz plz plz giv me reviews plz i wuld lyk dat, this is da 1st time i eva rote a stori [MN: And my very first commentary!], btw my infleuence is enoby darkness dementia ravn way! [MN: Dude/Girl/Whatever, ya rippin' off My Immortal? Shame on thee! *rings shame bell*] i fink she iz da best [MN: Some folks call it the worst fanfic ever, but it's so bad it's good!] OK ENJOY GUYZ [MN: OH NO YOU DON'T GET TO ENJOY IT!]
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx TWILA, DA GIRL WHO WAS IN LUV W/ A VAMPIRxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [MN: I have many tiny Xs now. Tiny Xs are cool.]
CHAPTER 1
Hi my name is Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz (not cullen yet, bcuz i ddnt meet edward yet) [MN: Twila, if I were you, I'd never marry that bastid. Oh BTW, author, did you just forget the show-don't-tell rule? Curses!] n i live in waschington wif my sister Midnite. we liv in a dark house that iz far away from every1 els n we r vampires. [MN: If you're a vampire, I think this is the best place to live!] we feest on blood n no1 else noes dat we are vampirs. [MN: I guess humanity or otherwise is afraid of you two or you might be closeted vampires. Vampires look like humans, you know.] not evn are mom [MN: Is your mom a human who adopted you? Were you once humans? Or are you human-vampire hybrids?] wich is y we moved away to b by ourselves. yes we r LONERS. [MN: (insert Mr. Lonely song here)]
i go 2 a hi school n every1 finks dat im really hott, i hav strait blak hair nd topez eyes [MN: That's how you got your name, huh?] n mi sister midnte is da same accept she has magenta eyez. [MN: CLONES!] i wear lots of blak makup on mi eyes even tho i hav dark ciircles under my eyes, [Mn: They make you look horrid.] (a/n ok if u think thats lame then FUK U, edword [MN: Another Eddsworld point! Great!] has dem too and steraphie myers [MN: You mean Stephenie Meyer?] sed hes realli hot ok.) i dnt lyk any1 at mi school, i am a missenthrop (a/n loook it up) that menz i hate other ppl accept midnite. [MN: "Then I always put up my middle finger on everyone."]
one day i met a realli sexi vampore [MN: Man, it rhymes with Asgore] named EDWARd CULLENS he haz realli white skin lyk me. [MN: Finally, a vampire friend for Twila! Yay!] he is satan's gift to dis planet (a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten created dis universe god bles u satan u r alwayz in mi heart.) [MN: Wait a minute! Do you practice LaVerne Satanism or are you a hypocrite? You have to be honest!] so anywey i met him i nda skewl [MN: SCREW YOU, skewl!] n he was wif some fukking ugli ass bytch named bella swann. [MN: Bella Swan, you assbutt!] she waz soo stupid n she kept fallin out of her seat. [MN: That author's so stupid, that's why! Hehehehehe! Or that means the school's got slippery seats! 😂] edwward lookd at me lyk wtf is dis gurl doing. [MN: You mean EWWDWARD? Gross. 🤢] i smiled at him sexi and aventerous n he new rite away that i wuz a vampir, [MN: Dating Tip: Vampire girls make the perfect date!] i culd tell from his eyes wich were da same collor as mine. [MN: You mean COLLAR? LOL]
"Heyy" he sed walkn away from bella. dere were some gay ass [MN: Shake dat gay ass] ghetto ppl in his way doin da SOLDA BOY CRANK DANce [MN: Don't know what that dance is.] n he jus lookd at dem with his dethly eyes n they iran away. [MN: DOES IT TAKE PLACE IN IRAN?] i realy hat cliks n gheto ppl fink they r kewl, i giv dem the middle finger in the halwayz [MN: Please see paragraph 5 and My Immortal Chapter 1.] n itz l;ke YEA HUS TUFF NOW [MN: Hufflepuff, huh?] LOL rite [MN: Ah, the LOL rite. My favorite sacred ritual.]
[MN: In this paragraph, we meet Edward's family!]
neway [Norway point #2] edward n i sat 2getha [MN: Agatha, is that you?] at da lunch tabel [MN: Tablet, LOL] n bella stard at us wif dat poser jakob. [MN: If you're in Team Jacob, then you're a poser!] ed ddnt pay ne atencion [MN: That's Spanish for attention! How'd you know?] to her at all. he told me al abot how he iz a vampir n his dad carlose [MN: Does that sound like a substance to you?] wnated [MN: FNAFED!] 2 meet me. n his sisters [MN: And brothers, cause I'm butting in] alice, rosmarie, jasper [MN: Hold your horses, Jasper's a Cullen all along!] n emet all luved me rite [MN: I think I should do the Luved Me Rite.] away n his mom esmi wnted 2 meet me 2.
so we kut skewl early n went to his realli big house in da woods [MN: Do vamps live in forests?] n jasper is realli big and muscelar [MN: That's one hell of a big buff cheeto puff!] so he jst nocked down all da treez in da way. [MN: Jasper's actually the Hulk! Or a Hulk-like creature!]
when we got there carlose came to da door imedately. [MN: Carlose or whatnot deserves a date!] he gasped in surpise at my beauty [MN: And he's like, "Uho, hot girl!" then he asks her to have s*x with him!]
"You Must be twila, my u certenly r attraxive" he teasd me seductevly. [MN: Yes, she is. Are you kidding me?] ed, jasp, emet, alison n rosaline all growld at him angrly, [MN: All together, now: GRRRR!] all sensitive becuz they liked me 2 besidez it wusnt fare cuz he was alreadi married. [MN: Being unfaithful to your own spouse? Tisk, tisk!]
"Yea thats me lol" i told him and bowed [MN: "Gomen ne!" 🙏] (a/n dats wat they do in japanese becuz its polite) "nice to met you i said. [MN: Hajimemashite!]
"So i hear ur a vampir, cum in my house n we can talk about it." [MN: She's a big scum, y'know]
I waz sooo excited n i ran in quikly in every1 followed me, we were alreadi frends. [MN: Finally an end to this horrid chapter. It's a happy one, actually.]
XXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTE 1XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX [MN: More Xs? Great.]
PLZ GUYZ TELL ME IF ITS GUD [MN: Oh no, it isn't!]
[MN: To end this chapter, let's count the number of points. (Please tell me any mistakes I've made if I'm wrong, cause it's tricky.)
Eddworld Points: 3
Norway Points: 2
X Points: 3
That's all for this chapter, folks. Stay tuned!]
YOU ARE READING
Twila The Girl Who Waz In Luv With A Vampyre (with commentary!)
FanfictionThe eldritch 14-chapter horror that is "Twila The Girl Who Waz In Luv With A Vampyre," has now been brought to Wattpad's shores for the first time all the way from Fanfiction.net's silliness, with a special commentary written by yours truly! EDIT: S...
