Day by Day

Feelings And Feelings And More Feelings

August 16th, 2015; 6:35 p.m.

I kept my distance from Zacky once we arrived at the hospital. The picture of us kissing was still fresh in my mind. As I waited for him to come back to the seat next to me, with the tip of my fingers, I traced circles around and around and around my bottom lip. Closing my eyes, I let the goosebumps take control of my entirety. I had to admit, the kiss we shared was so magical. One I haven't felt in such a long time with Matt. My heart began to beat with every second that I thought of it. It was horrible for me to say but I wanted to have his lips back on mine. The way he caressed me, the way he kissed me, the way he was so passionate, it was what I had been searching for with Matt. 

"What are you thinking about that has you all hot and steamy?" Zacky whispered when he got closer to my ear. I jerked, dropping my hand to my lap. I took in a deep breath soon brushing the loose strands of hair away from my face. He chuckled still holding onto his hand. "I already know so you don't have to answer. I can't stop thinking about it either."

"Can you not," I replied rather irritated, not with him but with myself. I shouldn't be having these thoughts. I know the loneliness is getting to me. 

Zacky shook his head. "I can make you happier. I know it. You know it. You shouldn't be scared or irritated. There's a look on your face that gives it all away." I turned to look into his green orbs.  His index finger went under my chin pushing it up higher. "Is Matt really worth all this pain? You cry every night for him."

"That's going to be my business now, Zee." A nurse popped out from the other side of the swinging doors. She called for Zacky name. I turned to look at him and his eyes were locked on me. I nudged him. "They're calling you."

He smirked, turning to look at the really beautiful nurse. Her blonde hair was neatly done in a bun. The make up on her was just flawless. Her bright blue eyes were like the color of the ocean. A figure anyone would definitely die for. I was jealous of how she looked. I probably look like a potato compared to her. Zacky pecked my lips quickly which definitely caught me off guard. He winked. "I think you're perfect." He whispered as if he read my every thought.

Zacky walked away, not forgetting to turn one last time before disappearing behind the doors. I sighed, brushing my hands down my face. I wasn't sure what I was feeling at this instant. Was it anger? Was it sadness? Was it irritation? There was so much that I just felt confused now. My friendship with Zacky was on the rocks and I am hoping Matt doesn't find out about this. Shit will go to hell if he ever does. The only thing I kept wondering now is if I should go back home with Matt to try to fix our marriage. 

Two hours had past by. It was like a blink of an eye. I was so deep in transit that I didn't even notice Zacky coming back out and handing me the keys to his car. I didn't say a word. We walked out as he seemed to be a little out of it from the painkillers. 

In an instant, we made it back to his house. He kept blabbering God knows what in the passenger seat. I stopped paying attention after he brought up the kissing. I was not in the mood to discuss that. What I needed to figure out was if I should stay here or just go back home with Matt. Part of me wanted to stay in case Zacky needed something from me. He was alone and I knew he wouldn't be able to do much. I had to fight with myself a lot but I decided to stay there with him. 

I helped him lay in his bed. After his head hit the pillow, he was out. I stared at him for a mere second, brushing a small strand of hair away from his forehead. He looked so peaceful and it reminded me of when we were kids. He used to stay with me on my dark days and just lay with me on the grass until he fell asleep. I smiled, not forgetting that moment. Those were the best days growing up. Just being with my best friend. Having no worries in the world. 

Sighing, I shook my head and turned to leave the room. I left the door cracked so he could know I was here to help him when he needed it. I walked down the corridor, heading straight to the  guest bedroom. It seemed like any other day, lonely. I almost forgot what it was like to have someone waiting for you with a smile on their face. I pictured Matt, with his dimples showing as he flashed his strong biceps. My heart skipped a beat every single time, even now with just thinking about him. I crashed my body on the bed, grabbing a pillow and holding it tightly against my body. The street light shined through the window. I stared, counting each star in the sky. I tried to forget the feelings I had inside. I didn't want to deal with it. Not now. I felt my eyes start to droop down as the exhaustion crept up. I kept counting, until my eyes drooped down, sending me off to a relaxing night.

August 17th; 3:30 a.m.

"I love you more than anything in this world, Matt. Stay with me." I held onto him with all my might, inhaling his glorious scent. I looked up, a smile creeping onto his face, showing his adorable dimples. I smiled, going onto my tiptoes to get closer to his lips. I brushed mine against them, feeling the softness before pressing mine against his. The kiss was amazing. As if it were the first kiss we had ever shared with one another. There were fireworks and the jingle of bells. Butterflies kept fluttering around making me giggle, but not tear my lips away from his.

"I love you too. Please don't leave me," he whispered. I pressed my lips down more on his as my arms wrapped around his neck. The moment was pure perfection. Pure glorious perfection. His lips started sliding down onto my neck, making my whole body tingle.

My eyes opened as I noticed this was no longer a dream. I pushed away, seeing Zacky smiling over at me. I gasped, slapping him across the face. I groaned, shaking my head and pushing off the bed. I ran down the hallway trying to get a hold of my stuff.

"Liv, stop. I'm sorry." Zacky grabbed my elbow, turning me around. I crashed onto his body, letting out  a big hmph. I closed my eyes, tightly, feeling a tear run down my cheek. He cupped my face with his hand, brushing away the tear with his thumb. I didn't want to open my eyes so I stood there practically paralyzed.

"You're my best friend. Why do this?" 

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. I've waited so long to kiss you."

I shook my head, wrapping my arms around my figure. "What am I going to tell Matt? How can I-"

He pressed his lips onto mine. I didn't fight it. I let it happen. I couldn't explain why. I just did. His lips were so soft. The taste of peppermint making its way around my tongue. These feelings started to come up. I pulled him closer, not wanting to let go. Zacky walked us towards the couch. My mind in a whirlwind. I couldn't stop myself.

I have no reasoning behind this moment. I let it be. I don't know if it was because I was lonely and I needed someone. I don't know if it was because I spent too much time with Zacky. There were so many questions. More questions than answers. 

His hand began to slide down my side and started making it's way up my shirt. Goosebumps were filling up all over my body. I tangled my fingers into his hair, pulling it as I pressed him closer to me. And as the moment became hotter and hotter, the door bell rang which made us both jump. I began to compose myself as Zacky walked over to the door. When he opened it, Matt's eyes locked onto mine.

"Hey Zee. Can I come in?" He asked but his eyes never left mine. Zacky nodded widening the door more for him. "Hey baby. I miss you. Can you please come home with me?"

I was out of breath. I wasn't sure if it was from what had just happened with Zacky or Matt's presence right in front of me. I looked at Matt and then back at Zacky, who was just staring intently at me. I bit down on my bottom lip as Matt grabbed onto my hand. My eyes began to water. Shit.