~Cleithrophobia~

Clock

Tick tock, tick toch. On and on, never ending except when the battery needs changing. I hear it, even when I'm not in my room. I hear it, I feel it under my skin. The alarm clock, almost pushing me to make a move, just in time. Time out.

Did I just hear someone get in? Did the door lock? No probably not, since it's 4 am. I'm the only one awake, if you can call this state awake.
Tick tock, tick tock. On and on, it goes. Wish I could just tick tock and tick tock, on and on. Wish I could just go on until someone had to change my batteries.

Trying to sleep while a million sounds rush through your mind is as possible as looking directly at the sun without squinting your eyes.

4:30There was a piece of paper lying on my desk. I could see the crisp edges where she had torn it apart. 'Here is my number, if you'd ever feel the need to call.' Smiling as if nothing had happened that day. Her hair was wavy and thick and red, bright red. The light of the club was unflattering but still she managed to look like she came from a photoshoot.

She laid her hand on my shoulder, it felt like it burned and I had to count my breaths to sooth myself. Calm yourself, calm yourself, Calm yourself. It's just a touch. Nothing is going to happen. Nothing is going to happen.

5:00 The orange light disappeared and a darkish blue formed a pattern on the floor. I could still feel her touch on my shoulder. I tried to look in the mirror but my reflection was not flattering so I turned away. I looked horrid, nothing new there.

5:30 I was still looking in the mirror. My hair was silky, greasy even. I should really take a shower. There was something wrong with the water. Even if I turned it to the coldest temperature, it felt as if it burned my skin. I needed to call the janitor of this forsaken building.

6:00 There's no point of lying in bed anymore so I kick off the blanket and put my feet carefully on the cold wooden floor. It felt nice. The first signs that your body is awake, feeling temperatures again. The cold tingles between my toes and a grin appears on my face. I don't even know why I'm grinning.

6:30 My smoothie smells of regret and sweetness. I gulp it down like I haven't drunk anything for months. My shoes stare at me from down the hall way. I hear people getting up and I hurry back up the stairs, back into my room. No one ever really sees me. They know I'm there, but that's it. They know.

7:00 The sun is finally rising. It's between summer and fall and everything feels crisp and on the edge on dying. I kind of dig that. Not knowing if you're awake or just really tired. I hear someone knocking on my door. 'Jesse, are you in there?' I just ignore it. She tries, but I ignore it. The knock sounds like hell's bell's in my head. My morning is ruined if I see the stack of pills I have to swallow to reduce my head ache.