Where Do I Belong?

The Move

I rested my head against the cold glass window and gazed at the scenery whirring by as the train chugged on through the wilderness, carrying hundreds of passengers to their destinations. Among those hundreds was me; a seventeen-year-old, measuring approximately 5 feet and 5 inches. Sitting here in an air-conditioned compartment of the train, I stole glances at the family of five, I was sharing the compartment with. I paid special attention to the father and his interaction with his children, he seems overly attentive to the slightest fidget and movement of his children. His wife had shared with me that they were travelling to Lahore due to her husband's employment in some factory as the chief technician. Her excitement about moving to big city was evident in her conversations. It was the first time she was travelling out of her tiny village and she was ecstatic over the prospects. She was a lovely lady, who offered me home made parathas (a bread made of wheat and lightly fried in organic oil/ghee) that she had cooked and wrapped for the journey.

Looking at the father, I almost felt envious and wondered if all fathers were like that. He kept his children well entertained, telling them stories, singing songs for them, carrying them on his shoulders to buy them treats from the food sellers roaming the train corridors and even lulling them to sleep in his arms. I observed closely and wondered what it felt like to be showered with so much love and care, to have the protection of a father figure. 'Who are you kidding, Aliya! Your father is nothing like that! He doesn't love you like that!', came the rude awakening from my brain and wiped the smile straight off my face. I closed my eyes and willed myself to drive these depressing, heart breaking and spirit shattering thoughts. 'I think about the new beginning that awaits you in Lahore and try to get some sleep, Aliya!' I told myself.

A mixture of emotions swirled within me when I thought about this move to Lahore; apprehension, excitement and fear were probably the most predominant. I was to move in with my maternal uncle; Sulayman Kamal Sheikh, Sulayman Mamu to me. He was married to Alishba Khawaja, Mami to me and they had 4 children; 1 son and 3 daughters. The eldest being Salaar, he was 6 years my senior, add irritating elder cousin who never let a chance go by to pull prank on you to the age difference and you get the relationship Salaar bhai and I shared. He was currently a senior at a prestigious business school in Lahore; The Lahore School of Business and Accounting. After him was Tabeer who was currently studying sociology at Luminaire University Lahore. I used to like her when I was a child, she still seemed nice, according to what I had gathered from her facebook profile. Mamu's 3rd child was Palwasha, she was my age and we were to study at the same shool for our A levels. We had never gotten along during the few interactions we shared in our childhood, she always wanted all my toys to herself, so yeah, I never liked her. The youngest member of Sulayman Mamu's family was Huda, she was only 10 years old and we had never met before this.

I was kind of excited about living with so many young people, in Rahim Yar Khan I was the only child at home amongst my mom, and both my maternal grandparents. Yeah, I didn't live with my father in Rahim Yar Khan, my mom and he separated when I was a little over five years old and that's all I feel like saying about that matter. My Nana (maternal grandfather) was like a father to me, only he was my grandfather too. When I was a child, to make myself feel better, I liked to believe that that was a special thing. As I grew older I realized it really wasn't.

My last school changing experience hadn't been very pleasant as it had happened right after 'the separation' and I became very withdrawn after that. Stop thinking about that Aliya! This time around you are changing schools and cities with the sole purpose of better academic prospects. You are a strong confident woman or, you will be one day! So, let's focus on the better, brighter future instead of falling into the memories of the cold, dark days of the past. With these jumbled thoughts running through my mind I drifted off to sleep.

Author's Note

Hi, Guys! Hope you like this small update, this story is very close to my heart and I start this journey, with the hope to try my best to do justice to this narrative. Let me know what you guys think!

Lots of love and duas for everyone!