Beauty after All Pain

Hindi pwedeng magkaroon ng tayo dahil habang naaalala natin ang pangyayari, hindi maiiba ang katotohanang ako ang rapist mo. Ako ang dati mong kinasusuklamang ama ni Arthur. Ako ang sinusumpa mo bawat gabing hindi ka makatulog. Ako ang pinipilit mong ibaon sa limot.

Isipin mo rin sana, mahal ko, na pati ako ay hindi matahimik. I also can't have a good night's sleep. I also can't forgive myself. I also want to bury myself alive for doing that to you. Kasi wala kang kasalanan sa lahat. Ang gulong gawa ng tatay mo ay gulo lamang niya, ngunit nadamay ka mahal ko.

I guess all I'm trying to say is... sorry, my love.

I expect the cops soon after this letter, but what I'm really expecting is your father's wrath. Also yours. Alam ko mahihirapan kang patawarin ako, Audrey. Pero ito ang tatandaan mo...

Mahal kita. Mahal ko si Arthur. At alam kong baka buntis ka na ngayon. Mahal ko rin ang magiging anak natin. Kung mamamatay man ako, ipakilala mo na lang ako sa kaniya. Mahal na mahal ko kayo.

Thanks for a taste of that family that I never thought I'd ever have.

My soul may be rotting in hell, but my memories with you are as pure as heaven.

Yours forevermore,
Cal

As soon as I heard footsteps coming my way, I hid the letter and wiped my tears. I breathed in. It was really like Callum predicted things would happen to him, so he wrote down this letter. Bago naman siya mamatay, we already said our goodbyes. He knew I forgave him already. My only regret is that hindi siya nakapag-paalam kina Arthur at Raven, at hindi niya nasilayan ang triplets namin. Nevertheless, alam kong binabantayan niya kami. And all that's left in my heart for him is longing, love, and excitement.

Excitement, dahil ramdam ko, na ilang minuto na lang ay sasalubungin niya na ako.

"Mommy!" My doctor son embraced me in a hug. His blonde hair glistened against good sunlight. I kissed his forehead when he let go.

"Sidney," I acknowledged. Nginitian ako ng nagiisang blonde Francois. Samantala, niyakap din ako ng dalawa ko pang mga lalaki.

"Monty, anak," Sinamyo ko ang mabangong amoy ng aking mini-Callum. Kamukhang kamukha niya ang ama niya, and he knew that, so he charmed all the girls with the face he got from his Dr. Daddy. Oh, my boy. Sumunod rin siya sa yapak ng kanyang ama at naging psychiatrist rin.

"Father Brad," Bradley grew to be a priest. He's the only priest I knew that played the drums in church. Unexpected na ang makulit at magulo kong anak ay naging isang malugod na kristiyano. His rosary even got caught around my ear when he let go of me. Napangiti ako. Ngumiti rin naman siya, at tila ramdam na ang mangyayari.

Lumaking mabubuti ang aking mga anak, and I knew if Callum were here, he'd be just as proud as I am with them. Pinalibutan nila ako, at alam kong sa lalim ng aking paghinga ay alam na nilang malapit na nga.

"Mommy, binabasa niyo pa rin ba?" Tanong ni Monty. Ang tingin ko mula sa mga bulaklak sa baba ay napunta sa kanya. Nilabas ko ang liham at napangiti.

"Oo naman, anak. It's one of Dr. Daddy's memories,"

"My, nakikita mo na ba ang liwanag?" Joke ni Bradley. Sinamaan ko ng tingin ang pari kong anak. Tumawa naman siya at inayos ang buhok ko. "Sorry, mommy."

Pinagsabihan siya ni Arthur na huwag akong lolokohin dahil hindi ko na raw sila kayang paluin kasi matanda na ako. Hay nako, my sons. Still trying to make me laugh.

"Mga anak," I said. These will be my final words so these are worth listening to. "Alagaan niyo ang mga sarili niyo. I'll be with Dr. Daddy soon. Sana ipagpatuloy niyo pa rin ang pagsasama-sama bawat oras na libre kayo. Family should always come first, and treasure one another. You, my children, are the flowers over all the thorns in my life. Mahal na mahal ko kayo, mga anak."

"Mahal ka rin namin, Mommy," My triplets answered.

"Pakisabi kay Dr. Daddy, mahal rin namin siya," Arthur said, caressing my back. I touched his hand and nodded.

All my life flashed before my eyes as I felt my breathing get deeper. All the pain, all the joy, all the moments I had that were worth treasuring. I lived a good life. I may not have been with Callum for long but I'm happy the Lord let us borrow him for a while. Now, it's my turn to follow the light.

With one deep breath, and as my sons hugged me, I closed my eyes.

Napatingin ako sa maliwanag na paligid. Nasa langit na ba ako? Ang liwanag pero hindi nakakasilaw. Basta ang alam ko, nilisan ko na ang mundo. Ngayon naman, dito sa maliwanag na pasilyo ako napadpad. Nakakagulat ngang nakakapag-lakad ako. In my last days, hindi ko na kayang maglakad ng walang tungkod-

Wow. Napatingin ako sa mga kamay ko. They're flushed with nourishment! Hindi sila wrinkly! I'm back to my young self!

"Audrey..."

Oh my God...

I've been waiting all my life to hear that voice again.

Lumingon ako at naramdaman ang mainit at mahigpit na yakap ni Callum. He's wearing a white tux, at walang bahid ng sakit o sunog sa katawan niya. He's as fresh as how he is when he's newly bathed.

I wrapped my arms around him just as tight. Oh God, Callum...

"I missed you, Callum..." I knew I had to kiss him at that moment. Pero inunahan niya na ako. I felt his soft lips crash onto mine, and it was the sweetest taste I've ever tasted in years. I returned the same passion he poured.

When he let go, our foreheads remained touching. Naghahabol kaming dalawa ng hininga. Oh my God, did we just kiss in heaven?

"How's Arthur? How're our triplets? Nag-asawa ba si Monty?" Sunod-sunod niyang tanong na siyang ikinatawa ko. Hindi ko pa nasasagot ang tanong niya ay napansin kong may bumubukas sa aking likuran.

"Okay sila, mga mabubuting bata," I answered, ignoring the feeling I have in my back. Nakangiti lang ang asawa ko. Tinuro niya ang nasa aking likuran kaya agad akong lumingon.

A huge golden gate was opening at the end of this hallway we're in. Hinawakan ko si Callum para sabay kaming makatakbo papunta sa papabukas na pinto.

"Callum, tara na!" Aya ko sa nakangiti ngunit nakatigil kong asawa. My eyebrows furrowed nang hindi siya gumalaw, at napailing. That's when I noticed his smile was sad.

"I don't belong there, Audrey. You know that,"

"You belong in wherever I'd go. Please, Callum. Matagal na kitang gustong makasama."

"Ako rin naman, Audrey. But, my love, you know hindi ako nabibilang diyan,"

I tugged his arm as tears formed in my eyes. I kept them at bay. "Susubukan natin. Kailangan makapasok ka,"

Kahit nakangiting umiiling si Callum, hinila ko siya. Lord, please... Let him in. Please open the gates for both of us. He was nothing less of a good father, and a good husband to me...

Nang matapat kami sa pinto, naramdaman ko ang mainit na pag-welcome sa akin. It felt like a warm embrace went through me, and I successfully entered. Napatingin ako agad sa kamay kong hawak ang kamay ni Callum.

"I told you."

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