Long-Distance Calls

35

"Avsam, I just saw some people writing on Tyler's Facebook that they-- saying-- tell me it's not what I think."

I sniffled. "It is... Tyler's dead." The more I said it, the least I believed it.

There were a couple of seconds of absolute silence. "Oh, God... how...?"

"An accident," I sentenced.

"Avsam, I'm so sorry... I'm sorry I told you to go away yesterday--"

"I need some time," I stated, "alone. I-- I need to process this."

"Oh-- Okay. Alright," she stammered.

"I'll call you back," I said and hung up.

The pity in Belle's eyes was making me nervous. As soon as I stood up, she did too. "See you around, Belle," I said.

"Peter, if you need me, call me. Anytime. I promise I'll pick up," she said.

"Yeah, please don't say that," I said.

"What?"

"Promise. Don't promise."

• — • — • — • — • — • — • — •

Nothing was the same anymore. I never thought I'd miss my parents arguing, but in that moment I felt like I needed it. It was a part of my life that just told me it was indeed my life. Whose life was I living now? A life of a son who struggles not to look into his parents' eyes, because he knows they're sad and it would just make him sad too.

And two parents who didn't even talk anymore. Who didn't even turn the TV on anymore. They lived in silence, and it made every moment awkward. We could hear each other eat, we could hear the water run down our throats as we drank, I could hear mom's sobs as she washed the dishes, and dad's sighs as he sat on the sofa, doing nothing but staring at a wall.

My aunt Brianna, Tyler's mom, was always the most joyful person in the room. Every time, at every occasion, ever since I was a child, I don't think I'd ever seen her without a smile on her face. And now there she was, crying on my uncle Michael's shoulder, dressed in black. Eleanor, Tyler's girlfriend, was there, but really wasn't. I'd only seen her a couple of times, but it was enough to make me realize that, at that funeral, only her shadow was there. Where did she leave the rest? Was it at Tyler's home, still crying? Trying to sleep it off? Or was it just gone? Was that all that was left of Eleanor? Just her shadow?

In that moment, I was glad to be fifteen and that they still saw me as a child. As I saw my parents struggle to make conversation with others, I realized I'd probably never be able to do such thing. Making normal conversation was impossible for me, imagine making conversation at a funeral.

I stood by the casket along with my parents. Tyler just looked like he was sleeping to me, so I wanted to wake him up. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to shout, how could he leave me alone. I wanted to hug him and tell him I forgave him. I wanted to tell him I'll never forgive him.

I looked at his hair. Still perfectly styled, even if dead. Still better than mine. Now whose hair could I look up to? What was even the point of putting clay in my hair, if I didn't know where I was going?

I looked at his face. He actually seemed peaceful. And, I swear, it looked like he had a smile on his face. How can he smile? That's not a good way to die. He still had a life in front of him. He didn't want to go. I'm sure of that. He didn't want to. He couldn't possibly be happy. I wanted to punch him, and shake some sense into him.

Then, I looked at his neck. The bruises made me shiver. Did he suffer? Was it slow and painful? Or was it fast and painless? The parents decided not to go for the autopsy. The authorities were investigating, but they'd probably come to nothing useful. So, I'd probably never really know how or why he died.

After the funeral, I stepped outside to get some fresh air. Everyone still inside, I looked towards the cemetery. Eleanor was on her knees, head on his graveyard. I wanted to join her, maybe hold her, let her cry in my arms, or maybe cry with her. But I couldn't. Shyness, coyness, social anxiety, whatever you want to call it, stopped me.

And so, I just watched her slowly dying inside. As I did too, without letting anyone know.

I thought there was no way things would ever get better. I thought I was falling into an endless pit of misery and there was no way of stopping the fall, no way to climb out of it. But here's the thing about us humans. We have an unbelievable way of moving on, from anything. And what seems like the end, is always just a roadblock.

Sure, that was the end for Tyler. And, it might sound selfish, but it wasn't the end for any other of us. We would move on, eventually. All of us. We always did and we always will. Only thing is, it takes time. And that time it takes seems endless.

Especially, a few days later, when we were at Tyler's parents' house, and an officer came there to tell us they closed all investigations.

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Okay, I feel so bad for Tyler's death. Really. I know you don't believe me. But I loved him.

I hope you liked this sad chapter. If you did, show your support by voting and commenting.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to update next Friday. If I won't, then the week later, you'll have new chapters on Tuesday and Friday. Just like the good ol' days. Anyway, in the next chapter, Peter finds his redemption in the unlikeliest of ways. Curious much?

Hope you are, ta-ta for now!
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