The Truth About Evelyn || ✔

.13

October 18th

1:03 AM

I can't do this anymore.

To be perfectly honest, I was really excited for the dance tonight. I watched countless YouTube tutorials on hair and makeup until I finally got my natural shades right and my curls in the perfect place on my shoulders. 

But none of it even mattered. 

John rang the doorbell at my house at exactly 6 PM since we were going to go to dinner before the dance. I raced down the stairs to open the door before Mom could even get up from the couch. That, apparently, was a huge mistake. 

Because right after I opened the door, I saw John standing on the porch with a can of green spray paint. I was so shocked that I didn't move, which gave John the opportunity to launch the entire can of paint at me. Upon hearing his laughter, I saw a shimmering gold dress next to him.

Nicole.

After he was done, John threw the empty can at my feet.

"You really thought I was going to take you to the dance?" He snickered. Nicole went along with his comment and actually started to rub his back, as if telling him that he did a great job. Then he pulled out his phone and took a picture of me in my green-stained white dress which will inevitably be everyone's screensaver in the next couple of days. I've never been more humiliated.

I slammed the door at their faces, turned my back against the door, and slid to the floor. Hugging my knees to my chest, I started to cry. 

Mom came into the room and looked at me on the floor. Then she scoffed and muttered something like "I told you so" and walked back towards the couch.

No one cares enough to talk to me, let alone be my friend. No one cares about what I would do to myself. No one loves me. No one would notice if I were gone.

I've been trying for so long to be brave. To have faith. To stay strong. But I can't do it anymore. I'm too exhausted. 

As I'm holding the knife in the bathroom, I'm wondering what could have been. If I hadn't gone to that middle school party. If I hadn't kissed John Krovac. If I hadn't befriended Nicole. If Mom hadn't married an asshole. 

And every slit on my wrist reminds me of every mistake I've ever made. Droplets of blood are starting to drop on this diary. But it's okay, I won't be needing it much longer.

There were so many people that hurt me in this life. 

But maybe I'll get lucky in the next one. 

Forever,

Evelyn

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