stripper killer 2.0 [matty healy]

two

india

"so what made you do it?" said the doctor, his voice slow like it's a recording that's been slowed right down. "what was running through your head as you did it?"

i sat rigid in the chair, the pittyful sound in his voice making me cringe. i didn't answer him.

"india, you need to communicate with us so we can help you." i barely hear him this time as i've zoned out to focus on the distinct ticking of the clock on the white wall behind him.

"i.. i don't know." i mumble.

his face changes from soft to harsh, his brows furrowing in almost fustration. "that's not a solid answer."

my eyes avert from the clock to his stressed face to the badge situated on his chest. dr ellman, consultant psychiatrist.

"india." he speaks again.

i take a deep breath. "i just don't want to be here anymore. i'm tired."

he leans back in his chair, causing a squeak. his palms together pressed against his nose. "the hospital, or this world?" his voice sounding almost sarcastic.

i'd been in a accident and emergency for the last 3 days, where i recieved treatment for the overdose i had taken, and unfortunately for me they'd managed to completely reverse the effects the pills had on my body, and i was now medically fit, which means the mental health team now had to access me and decide what to do with me. my fate was in the hands of this complete stranger.

"alittle bit of both." i eventually reply. "i guess."

it was the truth. i was sick of being in the hospital too. i didn't need to be here. i'm not sick i just want to die.

the doctor nods slowly. "i think i'm going to have to admitted and transferred to the local psychiatric unit. i think you need specialist help india. three attempts is no accident." he murmurs matter-of-factly.

"obviously it's no accident. when is suicide ever an accident?" i spit, gaining confidence at his stupidity. "just let me go home."

his brow raises. "you'd be suprised. often people don't actually want to die, it's just a cry for help. and we can help you.. you just have to ope-"

he's interuptted by a nurse knocking on the office door, before swiftly entering.
"sorry to interrupt" she stammers. "miss chance" her gaze turning to me. "you have a visitor. they're waiting on the ward."

the doctors face stiffens at the fact i now have an excuse to leave. "go and see your visitor." he says after a few moments, then stands from his chair and walks towards me, placing his hand on my shoulder before continuing. "i'll get in touch with a good hospital, and you'll be informed as soon as we know the plan, for now sit tight and don't be scared. you'll be well looked after and you'll get the help you need."

i force a tightline smile and stand to follow the nurse back to my ward, where there's a slightly awkward silence besides the sound of her rubber bottom shoes on the shiny tiles.

"he's the best pychiatrist for miles, you know." she says, breifly looking back to me as she walks. "he'll do right by you."

"right." is all i manage to reply.

i wish people would stop trying to help me. i know what i want and it isn't help. i don't want to get better, it will never get better. aslong as he's locked away and i'm locked in my own mind i'll never feel the sane.

"india!" i hear my mums voice as we approach the bed where i've been staying.

"mum." i exhale deeply, tugging at my hospital gown awkwardly. "you're here.."

i think the nurse sensed the stiffness in the air because she soon disappeared leaving me with the one woman i could really do without now.

"well" she huffs. "i wanted to see you and find out what's happening. and niall is worried sick about you. he's really shook up about the whole thing. what were you thinking?! i can't believe this has happened again."

niall is the last thing i want to think about right now. he's the one who found me and called the ambulance. he's the one that stoppped my death and i know i should be grateful, and any normal person would be, but i'm not normal and i certainly wasn't happy about still being here. or my mum for that matter.

mum picks up on my silence and holds up a bag that i recognise to me mine. "i brought you some clean clothes. i figured you'd need some."

"they're sending me to a psychiatric unit mum." i cut across her harshly. "i'm not allowed to go home." my voice disapointed. i feel tears forming in my eyes. "i just want to go home!"

my mum quickly drops the bag and engulfs me in an unwanted awkward hug. "sweetie, it's the best thing for you. you need this. you are sick."

"mum i'm not si-"

before i can reply i see the nurse approaching from the corner of my eye. my mother quickly let's go and looks at her eagerly. "what is it?"

"we've found you a bed at a very good unit, but it's 50 miles away. however, hospital transport has been arranged and you'll be leaving shortly."

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(authors notes)

so it's back. and darker than ever lol. shits gonna get reaaaaaaaaaaal