2016
sunsets; real vivid ones, rainy mornings, art, lukewarm tea, blooming yellow frangipani flowers, simple brown eyes and extra strong coffee, some of the little things you helped me appreciate a little more
it was something about the way those lips felt against mine, and how irresistible they looked every time I stared at your beautiful face. the light brown hair that you were constantly trying to change, even though you were so divine
heart racing, for the first time, holding your soft little hands, fitting in mine like they were made for each other, with a smile that could light up even the darkest of places. something so raw, i could feel the chemistry bubbling off your skin
so much passion and ambition, you loved to paint, although i had never seen any of your work, as much as i'd ask
i was always a little rough around the edges, jagged you can call it i guess. i mean, i wasn't all there at the time, mentally, but man i adored you regardless, but i guess that isn't always enough. all i really wanted was for you to be proud of me, after all i was all yours. being hidden away ain't really a great feeling
i never really asked for much
i relied too much on your presence and company, and it ran me dry eventually, seeing it all go wrong right before my eyes, and seeing you change into something that wasn't the girl i had fallen so deeply in love with. And you took all the colour away with you
"i painted you something, I wanted to give it to you" you said, a little too late i think since that same night you told me those strawberry lips, had been against another's, but "it wasn't the same", how the smell of cigarettes and liquor lingered on his breath
but you loved it
my stomached ached, for days on end, your voice echoing in the emptiness within my mind, not even in my dreams could i escape, when i could fall asleep that is. how could something you loved so unconditionally destroy you like that?
cigarettes, marijuana and alcohol, i guess lukewarm instant coffee didn't cut it anymore. you see it wasn't always like this, once bright brown eyes turned to dark heavy bags, poetry and enthusiasm turned to terrible songs about love and lack thereof.
smoking too often, downing drinks and getting stoned, but that was what you wanted wasn't it? you wanted a real man, you loved the stench of cigarettes, and one too many beers, one who works, someone done with school, someone new, something different. something that wasn't me
cold rainy days became just as bleak as I originally perceived them
i guess i fell in love with a girl who was still finding herself. there was no more room for an insecure boy, who just needed a bit of reassurance, and you didn't want the unconditionally tender love that i had for you. you wanted someone who didn't love you. not the way that i did, maybe not at all
2016
