Behind The Scenes // Domilly

13

(here I'm starting to turn the characters more into my ideas and not their actual person irl don't get mad)

I woke up and dragged myself out of bed. Today I had absolutely no reason to be happy. Usually it was YouTube and Teamsuper but those two caused me stress right now. Or I have my family, but they are all in Toronto. My friends are all busy with their own stuff. And to top it off: I got my period.

I got downstairs and I was about to grab a bowl for my oatmeal when I smelled something a lot more tasty. Pancakes. I followed the strong scent and opened the door. Outside, I found Dom standing there with a huge plate full of pancakes. 'I thought we could have breakfast together!' My face lit up. 'It you weren't holding those pancakes I would jump you, thank you so much! I really needed this!'

Dom walked inside and put the pancakes in the kitchen. 'I really hoped you were going to get up because I was getting hungry,' Dom said as he took two plates out of the cupboard. 'I wasn't planning on getting up, but my stomach started growling at me so I was left with no choice.' Dom pet my stomach. 'Good job.' I laughed.

We sat down and ate our pancakes. It was quiet but I didn't mind. It wasn't an awkward quiet, more of an I'm-enjoying-my-food kind of quiet.

The pancakes were amazing and they really made me feel better about my day. But not great. I still hadn't communicated with Teamsuper and it was bothering me so much that they didn't know what was going on, but did know one very big part of my life that I was not ready to share. I don't know if I ever would be. But now, Dom and I had both messed up and not given ourselves the chances to wait. We accidentally forced ourselves to be public.

I stuffed another fork of pancake-goodness into my mouth and looked at Dom. 'I don't know what to do and it's driving me insane.' Dom looked surprised by the certain speaking. 'It's different. I want to share as much with my followers as I can but this huge part of my life is like something they cannot know.' Dom put his hands on mine. 'I understand Lilly, but maybe it's not-' 'You don't understand. I swear to God. Just saying you understand and then trying to convince me otherwise anyway is useless! Why do boys do this stuff?' I yelled as I got up. 'Lilly, I'm just-' 'Just shut up.' 'Lilly, you're overreacting-' 'O boy, don't even go there.' I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Dom didn't know half of the things that were happening right now.

I ran upstairs slamming the my bedroom door behind me. 'Nobody gets me. Nobody. Nobody...' I whispered. I slid my back down the door and sat down. Bad habits. Bad habits. My mind was racing and I was thinking about twenty things at the same time. I was sobbing and I was choking slightly on my tears. For some reason all the bad stuff from years ago came back to me.

I was fifteen. My boyfriend and I just got into a fight. Or better said ex-boyfriend. I was having a complete breakdown in the bathroom. Nobody was home but I locked the door anyway. Not only was it a habit, it just felt safer, liked nobody could get in and destroy me even more. I felt like I was just crushed into one million pieces. And I wasn't the one that like puzzles. There was no way I was going to put this one back together. I got up, seeing black for a bit from the lack of oxygen I was getting from crying. I stumbled and held onto the wall. He wasn't worth it at all. All the crying I was doing. He didn't deserve to break me. I'm supposed to move on like this never happened. But he hurt me. So bad. I looked around the bathroom through the years in my eyes. A bright pink razor caught my eye. I picked up the razor slowly. I never thought this was something I would do. But he didn't deserve to get me hurt emotionally. Nobody deserved to see their plan of hurting me work out. I would never show anyone tears for emotional pain. I'm not like that.

My face was stained with tears as I got up. I had no idea how long I had been in this room, crying, but it had been long enough for me to run out of tears to cry. I walked to the bathroom that was connected to my bedroom, knowing that I wasn't doing the right thing. 'Don't let them hurt you. Never let them hurt you.' I kept repeating those words as I dug through my drawers.

I pulled my t-shirt up to reveal the scars that I always blamed on bad falls. For some reason people believe I fell or got in fights. I was just clumsy, right? Sometimes I wish I told people the reasons. But I couldn't do it. A boyfriend. A best friend. A family member. All of them had left scars on my inside. And I had turned them into external scars.

Tears started to fill up my eyes again. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I shouldn't go back to a habit from years ago. Maybe I should. Bad habits. Bad habits.

'I have no self control. I'm not strong. I'm not healed. I'm so so broken.' I stumbled towards the bathroom door, feeling unwell. 'Dom...' I said as loud as I could, using the last bit of power I had left in me.

I tried to grab my doorknob, but right before I reached it, I blacked out, lost sight, and hit the floor.

It's 4 am rn how fun. I'm not even tired tbh. Jetlags are so fun!!1!1!!!
What did you think of this? I'm honestly curious. Also, follow my conversation tab to see what's going on in my life aye

(If you hated this chapter please don't stop reading it gets better later I promise!)