Long-Distance Calls

34

[03/01/2012 5:02 PM] Evelyn Tiger: r u ther

[03/01/2012 5:04 PM] Amber Kafka: Yeah! Sorry. Well, I know because I felt it close to my legs while we kissed :D

For a few minutes, I pretended that I was still reading as I thought about the right thing to say. How could my first feeling be an ego boost because of Amber's inappropriate comments?

But as I read Evelyn's part of the conversation, I could only imagine how she felt. As I read her typos, I imagined her with tears in her eyes. And as soon as I thought of her crying, tears invaded my eyes too.

"What can I say about that," I said with a raspy voice, "I-- we can't control that."

She sighed. "Listen, asshole. If there's one thing I absolutely cannot stand-- and will NEVER stand... is cheating."

"Wait, wait," I tried to get my voice louder that hers, "what do you mean 'cheating'? I haven't cheated on anyone. This was before you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah," she exclaimed, killing my hopes for a misunderstanding, "I know it was before me. But you said you never kissed anyone before! I was looking forward to giving you your first kiss, and now I find out this bitch already did that?! How do you expect me to react?!"

"To-- to my defense... she kissed me. I had no saying in it--" I struggled to say.

"Your defense? You have no such thing as a defense!" she was straight-up shouting at this point, "like, how many other things have you lied about, uh? Are you really from Queens? Are you really the one other kids pick on?! Or are you the bully? What should I expect from you, at this point?"

"Listen, I-- I told you... I'm sorry. And, besides, I really want you to know that--" she cut me off again.

"Save it, Peter. I-- I don't want to hear it."

"But you have to understand--"

"I said, save it."

"So what is this? Are we... breaking up?" I found the courage to ask.

"I just... I need some time. I..."

"Okay," I said, "alright... take your time, if that's what you need. I'll be right here, waiting for you."

"Just..." she sighed, "don't hold your breath."

The stinging sensation in my stomach just got worse. "I'll be on my knees," I said.

And she hung up.

And just like that she was gone, and the silence she left behind was deafening. Head hurt, heart hurt. Everything, physically and mentally, hurt. The morning's happiness consumed by the night's despair. Any ordinary man would've gone mad. But I was no ordinary man. I was lower than ordinary men.

I didn't sleep that night. Or maybe I did, for about five minutes. No goodnight virtual kiss from her. No texting until one falls asleep. Just me, alone with my thoughts. And, the next morning, I hated everybody, when the one I was really supposed to hate was myself. I wanted to blame this on anyone else but me.

I hated Andrew, more than ever. I hated the bus driver. I hated the old man that always sat on the front seat. I hated BusSelena. I hated the group of kids in the back. I hated the school's yard. I hated the school's building. I hated walking in the hallways. I hated everyone's face. I hated Erasmus. I hated Josh. I hated Mrs. Misura who just had to quiz me on Math, that day.