It's Better To Not Know Better (Ziam)

Driven

"And what did he say?"

Zayn dropped his face back into his hands again, shaking his head. "It's really stupid, and at least I know that much, but he was talking about how the girls love me whether I look decent or not, and then said that EVERYONE does. And now I feel like something's being kept from me."

"Why would you feel like that?"

"I don't know," Zayn groaned, turning his head to look up at Liam. "I guess I took it a little too cryptically."

"So what does this have to do with me?"

"Not sure. Maybe I was hoping you were keeping it from me as well. You're a bit more honest than the other lads."

Liam layed down, his hands covering his face. "That's all."

Gratefully, Zayn stood up, leaving Liam. After he shut the door behind him, he thought he heard something break. The lads looked up.

"What'd you say to him?" Niall asked, and Zayn knew he meant it as a joke, but he turned his glare to the innocent blond, the "baby" of them all, instantly melting his cheery expression into sort of an anti-social turn-and-duck of the head.

Now Zayn had really done it. When Niall was in a bad mood, it was almost impossible for anyone else to keep from drowning in it.

He made his way into the gameroom, feeling trapped in the bus. Which is a bad way to feel when you're already upset. He pulled his cigarettes from his pocket, hating himself but hating the sickness more than anything. Along with the cartridge came the lighter, and he took one, a bit too excited about lighting it.

"Zayn."

He didn't look up at the sound of Harry's voice.

"Zayn you can't do that on the bus."

He stuck the end in his mouth, raising the lighter to the tip. "Stop the bus, then," he muttered, lighting up.

He stared straight ahead as he sucked the smoke into his lungs, aware of three pairs of eyes watching. He blew a smoke ring, since they were so desperate for entertainment, and obviously couldn't peel their eyes off of him for one second to turn on the TV.

He was extremely aware of what they could do to start a fight. One time Louis had taken the cigarette right from his mouth and put it out on the ground. He didn't think any of the boys were likely to start, none of them would even say the word.

"Zayn, stop that."

"That's not good for you, mate."

"Don't do that around me."

He licked the taste from his lips. It's called smoking, he thought to himself, taking another hit.

Before he was aware of it, the door was swinging shut, at the hand of none other than Niall Horan. Zayn shrugged. At least Niall's letting him drown in his own unhealthiness. Those things aren't what start fights. Zayn knew it was unhealthy. He knew it would probably destroy him one day if he didn't stop. But when he had one in his mouth, he couldn't care less if it destroyed him that second.

When someone hid them. That's what made him mad. Ever since Liam had attempted to hide them, Zayn never left them out in the open. Not that any of the other boys would ever do that. (They all thought that Zayn was about to beat their friend senseless.) Only Liam knew all the ways to be quietly defiant. Only Liam knew how to piss him off without even being around him.

Liam. He took a huge hit. What's his problem anyway? Dodgy fellow, nobody else would notice that something was actually wrong with him. He'll just bottle himself up, then accuse anyone else of the same thing. Zayn didn't do that. When he was really upset, everyone knew it, because he went straight for the cigarettes.

He shook his head. Liam. He thinks that he can tell everyone how it's going to be, just because he's got one kidney. I don't drink, so I must be the designated everything. Zayn was too far gone to even realize that his thoughts were cruel.

Liam. Awkward lad, for sure, hypocrite, bossy, annoying, clueless, confusing. . .something else insulting. Fake? No, Liam wasn't a fake, he was just faking. Not even that. He was just. . .

Zayn blew a puff of smoke.

"Liar."

--------------------------

So recently, my father has quit a life of 20+ years of smoking. We had extremely low hopes that he would ever stop, (my brother and I even had considered hiding his cigarettes) but he did, and he's on Blu now. So there you have it, it is possible to quit. I know there are several PSA's and commercials and whatnot about that, but this is coming from me, and you know who I am, so yeah. Secondly, it sounds really stupid to say "The best way to stop smoking is to never start." Blegh. That makes no sense. And I'm not big on things making sense after so long. But seriously, don't be as confused over that as I was. Just don't start. Health teachers all over the place will give you the smoking talk, show you the film about the dude who has no jaw, (my health teacher actually met him, almost puked too) but just because they tell you so many things about smoking, doesn't mean you have to test them. I know that after hearing so much rubbish about drugs and alcohol and whatever, you start to get a little curious. But I have seen a few times, kids not much older or younger than myself, pick cigarette butts off of the ground, relight them, and smoke. One kid was in the fourth grade. I almost did the same, just out of curiosity, but I reminded myself that my father smoked, and my lungs were already damaged by secondhand. It's not worth it. And you start to end up like our demented friend in this chapter, depending on what's wrong in your head already. And if anyone on here smokes and is offended, I'm sorry. But I don't want anyone to end up in a bad place because of it. Suck on a Jolly Rancher (my dad uses those). Just don't do that.