What We Were

1 Bittersweet Symphony

Valliance Amira In the past

My boots made a large imprint on the snow as I walked towards the building Levi worked in. He is a marketing manager at a company called "Eroscope". Now I know it sounds like an erotic company with it's combined name because, uh, you know, "erotic" and "scope". Sounds like it finds erotic stuff for you. Surprisingly, it is a company that helps people find jobs and at the same time, runs a technology line featuring prototypes that made use of "clean energy".

When I walked in, I passed the security guard who I became acquaintances with since he worked here for a long time. I waved at him and went in an elevator, pressing the level Levi worked in. I was heading to his office when I bumped into one of his assistants, named Karly.

She was a divorced young lady who tried to make ends meet for her newborn named Jack who is absolutely adorably by the way. We laughed it off and greeted each other. After our conversation I headed to my original destination, Levi's office. I stood in front of the door with a little rectangular shaped glass and through that glass, I could see him doing "work". I glared at the door and knocked three times.

Sounds of mumbling and fumbling of clothes could be heard right out of the door before the other assistant of his named Eva came out. One of her shirt buttons wasn't in the proper place so I called her out on it.

"Hunny, look down your shirt, that high horse of yours made you blind." I whispered to her as she passed by me. She turned red and scurried away. I smirked slightly before facing my husband.

I dropped the smirk and played the little miss stupid innocent act in front of him. Now I know what you're thinking, why are you doing this to yourself? Actually, the answer's really simple, because I can or rather, it's a nice coping mechanism since I am twisted in the head.  I invited him to take dinner with me as it is already 7 PM.

We walked in to a cafe with a heavy silence between us. We sat down and a lady approached our table, handing our menus with a smile on her face.

"Welcome to Hello cafe, what can I get you ma'am, sir?" She asked in a jolly tone. Her mood brightened mine almost instantly and I gave out my order happily with Levi following in suit.

I got a job as a call center agent. It was my first job in the industry and although, I don't make as much money as my seniors, it did pay the rent. My shifts are usually at 1AM to 10AM. Today was more stressful than the usual and I talked to Levi about it. He was nodding absentmindedly through out it and I will admit, it did hurt but this wasn't the first time he did it so, I wasn't as hurt as the first time.

Foolish, I was foolish

We finished our drink and walked back home. When we arrived there, the house was as usual, spotless, squeaky clean, thanks to his OCD-like behavior towards cleanliness. I removed my shoes and placed it on the shoe rack, beside Levi's own shoes. I walked to my room and like every single day, I was wishing that I could go in Levi's room, which he vehemently and repeatedly, do not allow. I do always wonder why he does not allow it. My friends know about my situation with him and have not approved of our marriage. Heck they did not even approve when I was going out with him. Something about the case of having a bad feeling towards him. I thought it was merely weird feelings but now I can see why. I did try questioning him about it but his excuse was, " I do work in my room dear, and you being there makes me so distracted I can't work properly." I left the topic at that point.

How idiotic.

I hummed a little tune as I organized my stuff, I wasn't usually like this, but Levi taught me to be with his freakishly weird obsession with keeping things clean and organized. As his wife, my world revolves around him, I'll do anything for him and in turn, I hope he does anything for me too. I believe that this is what the characters in the stories felt like, that they felt like they don't need to find someone else, because their own prince charming is in front of them.

I don't own a phone, which is weird to people who know me because it IS weird. An adult not owning a phone? Pretty weird right? No, I am not a granny actually, I am 24 years old at that who does not own a phone and does not have a social media life. Besides, what can I do with a phone anyways? Procrastinate? Yeah, as if I don't do that enough already, according to Levi.

You're delusional

I finished organizing my things so I grabbed a notebook and wrote what I really felt today.

Dear notebook,

My name is Valliance Amira. Uh huh, a preettyy weird name. Scratch that, who the hell names their child Valliance Amira? Valliance sounds like someone whose name started with V had an alliance and the person being original as he or she can be, added his or her name's first letter, which is V.

I don't know whom I am writing to, but I am a stupid 24 years old woman that finds pleasure in being twisted and a woman leading a miserable life. I have a husband, named Levi, yes, the jeans kind of Levi. But at least the jeans are up to standards unlike him. I met him when I was 20 years old and I was still in college, struggling as always. He was technically my senior, who was the president of the collge department. I know, amazing right?

We married a year after I graduated college as Suma cum laude, basically I passed with flying colors. So a year without a job, what the hell were you doing? Actually, I was studying music and I still am up to this day. Our busy lives were making us stray apart, or so I believe. Actually, I do know that we fell out of love. I don't know if that's possible but I think it happened between us. I haven't cheated yet but he already did. As time passed on, he started lying straight to my face, skipping out anniversaries, forgetting my birthday, leaving me alone when I don't want to be left alone and forbidding me of having a cat, since they're dirty.

I don't know anymore. There is no doubt in my mind that, he is the one I want to be with and that I would do anything to save this relationship of ours, but I also know that, a relationship has to be a split effort from both sides. Will I be able to save this relationship when he doesn't try anymore?

I left it at that and closed the notebook sighing heavily. He was great for basically my whole life, he was there for me every single day.

But why can't he be there at my lowest?

And like every heart breaking moment, this was not the first time he did it unfortunately. With time, I learned to deflect my hurt from each word and action he makes towards me. Thus resulting in the birth of this super sarcastic attitude that takes life with a grain of salt and laughs at anyone's misery cause I know I am also hurting and could relate. Ha ha. My life's a joke, plys kyl mi.