Please don't judge.

Please let this finish. What she doesn't understand is that we don't have the best life either. And that it's not our fault that she has a crap one. We never got a say in all of this. We didn't pick our father, but somehow, I know she blames us for this whole business. If our life is like this, then we might as well kill ourselves because there is nothing left to live for. She hates me, and so does everyone else. I realise that I'm a waste of space, but I never got a say in being born either. Never got a choice, because if I had I would have simply picked the not being born option. Our life sucks, and there is nothing to do about it. Every time we come close to being happy, everything just fades away again and we realise that there is no way that we'll ever be happy. And guess what? It's really unfair. I really think I should just take my own life and help everyone out. And there is one thing stopping me. And that's not someone who needs me here, because as I mentioned, no-one likes me. The one thing stopping me is me. I'm scared to do it. I can't. But I want to so badly. No one ever realises how close I come to killing myself and getting it over and done with. Nobody ever will. I know that we will have a talk and that maybe, just maybe, everything will be fine. But that's on the outside. We will never be happy on the inside, not as long as we live. The fact is that I get crap from dad, Declan, Tal, Michelle, Jake and so many more people and I can't do anything about it. This is worse than depression. Probably worse than dying. Living, but not being wanted is horrible. And I will always hurt inside because nothing is coming along to help me.

Bottom line: I wish I was dead because everything sucks.