Hetalia Zodiac Signs Book

Something Unrelated But I REALLY Need Your Help!!!

||| It was said in the title, I desperately need help right now! |||

          Eh, it's just one of my other life problems. I wanted to ask someone about this, and I have no reason why, but I strangely can't discuss this with my friends. So maybe some of you may be able to give some sort of helpful advice, because I just need it :\

          You see, I moved to a different country last May. Now I'm in 3rd Term at school(I enrolled around halfway through 2nd Term). I was co-operating well at first, but for some strange reason, I feel like I'm going to snap at any point now due to me bottling up my feelings and sorta acting not me. I'm starting to open up to others here, but I'll just find myself closing them again. Let's just say I don't trust them as much.

          And why I don't trust them? It may be the fact that I'm not used to how everyone is here. Everyone is just so different, especially the environment that I'm used to. And in all honesty, their way of being annoying is a way more different level. Apparently, the friends I have always like to cling onto me, like not wanting me to go to another group of friends when I'm hanging out with them, some of them are obnoxious, and some of them are simply downright annoying. And besides that, I was scared of how'd they treat me if I left them.

          I also have classmates who would usually be mean, but also nice, but not really in a good way. And honestly, I didn't like that. Their lessons are also way too easy, but it's hard, due to the fact that the way they teach is also very different. Even though I'm now a student at that school, I feel like I'm not. I just simply feel so out of place here. Not only in my new school, but in the entire country. But I'd go back to my home country in 5-6 years. And I want to go back so bad. I honestly don't want to stay here for the rest of my life, honestly. Sure, it's a nice country, but I'd rather go back to my home country, although it's worse.

       
         But then that's not my problem.

       I've also started to be conscious about how they think of my personality, so I sorta became someone who I'm really not. Nowadays, I started to be shy, and too considerate and nice. I was scared to be strict all of a sudden, although back then I was pretty strict. I still don't trust anyone. And this is where I get real here. I always depended on friend groups, as how that was like back then, but here, I somehow couldn't find those kinds of friend groups I'm used to, forcing me to try and find friend groups as close as the kinds I'm used to. I also accept things too easily. As a good artist, as they said, they always ask me to draw this and that, most especially things I'm not used to. There's also this 3rd Grader who'd force me to draw a lot of drawings for her, but I don't really blame her. I guess. Since I have a lot of food, they sometimes ask me if I have any food I could give them, which I would just give them. No reason. One of them also went as far as asking me for money. Which I almost declined, but she kept on bugging me about it, and even threatened me. I honestly feel too much pressure on myself to the point that I could feel myself internally screaming.

     Sometimes I'd just like to relax, but I'd always go against it, and I have no idea why. Sometimes I could feel some kind of ache in my chest, and I feel like it's starting to make me snap. I felt like I'm going to be insane, and just rage over all the pressure I've allowed to go to me, and I'd try my best to stay calm, as I started to learn to control my feelings, but then I think that one day my feelings would start to go wild, which would eventually make me snap. It's supposed to be safe here, but I don't feel safe at all, and even if my home country is the one isn't supposed to be as safe as the country I'm staying in now, I felt way more safer there. I just feel so different, but I know that one day, I could just give up on hiding on how I truly feel, and end up just being so cold and mean.

        I just feel like I'm putting a bit too much pressure on myself, and even if I did snap, I'd just put even more pressure on myself. I just simply need help, and that's literally it. Better if there's also someone who's had almost the same experience. I really can't stop holding myself back, I need to let me be myself, but I'm too scared to do so. I'm just so paranoid about everything, my parents always told me to leave a good impression on others. And I don't want them to think my nationality is bad just because of my personality. I love my country so much, I realized. And I feel like how I act is how they will think how my nationality acts. I'm too scared to be staying here, I feel like it's a bit too much for me, somehow.

       If you haven't seen the point yet, I desperately need help on this. I couldn't stay like this forever, I just feel like I'm trying too hard and putting too much tension.

  

     I feel like this is a huge problem, and I need to personally tell someone about this, but I can't, I just can't, so I strangely just thought about going here.

       And despite what I'm going through right now, I'll do my best on updating the book, you guys are awesome!