relapse {h.s}

one: falling

a.n: hey guys!! this story will be involved with self-harm, explicit sexual content, rape, murder, drugs, y'know a lot of bad stuff. so if this stuff bothers you, or makes you uncomfortable, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS. Part of this story is just really fucked up things i need to get out of my head and into a story, because that's how i am.
i hope you enjoy this, i'm planning on this story being my main focus for a while.
this first chapter delves right into the graphic stuff so please be warned.
also the lowercase IS intended.

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{colby}

i was alone with my thoughts. the razor sliding along my skin.

i wanted to end everything.

i needed this.

you fucking deserve this, the voice inside my head screams at me.

so i cut deep.

deeper than i ever have.

i feel the sting.

the pain.

the door slamming open.

harry stood there in shock before realizing what was happening, and the boys spilled in behind him.

i felt myself slipping, slipping, deeper, away, everything fading.

i felt the blood rushing down my arms.

i heard harry yelling at louis to call an ambulance.

i saw zayn crying in the corner.

niall was too shocked to do anything.

louis was yelling into the phone, screaming that an ambulance was needed now.

i felt myself falling.

i felt harry's arms catch me as i fell.

i felt liam's hands holding my head so it didn't slm to the floor when i crashed into harry.

fuck fuck fuck.

no. i cant fucking depend on everyone. they all leave. no ones stuck around for me, and i knew harry wouldn't.

he couldn't.

he has his band. the world famous band.

he's gonna leave, he has to leave. he's got tour commitments, fans to meet, girls to fall in love with.

i felt my world spinning as harry held me in his lap, his body shaking, tears slipping down his cheeks, along his perfectly lined jaw.

i felt my body grow weaker every single second that passed.

"fucking stay with me colby. i can't lose you. i fucking can't." his sobs came out broken and weak, and that broke me.

it's all an act, don't believe his lies, you dumb twat, the voice warned.

liam and louis had one of my arms each, and they were wrapped up in their shirts that they still wore on their bodies. in the scramble to stop the bleeding, i believe they didn't know what to do, so they quite literally wrapped my arms in their thick t-shirts. trying to stop the bleeding, trying to save my worthless fucking life.

why the fuck did they all care so much.

why did harry care so fucking much.

i'm nothing.

that's right bitch, you're fucking nothing, the voice in my head snarled.

the sirens were closing in, and the door crashed open, and paramedics were on me, trying to control the bleeding.

i didn't want to be fucking saved, but i felt myself calling for harry. i didn't want him to leave my side.

i felt his hand on my head, caressing it.

HES GOING TO FUCKING LEAVE YOU. YOU'RE NOT WORTH HIS TIME. HE WILL NEVER CARE, the voice shrieked in my head.

i was loaded into the ambulance and harry's hand never left my head.

the last thing i remember seeing was his beautiful green eyes.