Lost

Chapter 1

Endless Days

I was a wreck,
A living,
Breathing,
Wreck.

Getting heart broken
From the people I love.
And because of this,
I was harming myself
Over these care-less people.

Trying to forget,
Everything.

Wasted every night,
Going to Pharm parties
And getting high,
To the point where
I might not wake up the next day.
But I woke up
Every time.
Once I returned,
That's when it would happen.
I would unfortunately
Wake up,
Remembering nothing,
But new bruises
And cuts to my arms or legs
Sometimes even my face.

I would get so close
to calling the police,
But you'd threaten to
Commit suicide,
Or harm yourself.
And I loved you too much
So I would put the phone down,
And let you continue.

I kept it quiet.
People would notice,
But I never told them what it was
Or who did it.
I was always my secret.

Me and him
Were together for five years.
And eventually
I gave up.
I attempted suicide
Almost everyday,
Never being successful
But always with the goal
Of escaping.
But he caught me
Most of the time.
Would get all red with anger,
And I finally woke up.

I called,
No matter his threats
Or if he fulfilled them.
I knew where he would go,
It would be safe,
He would be safe.

If I was to go as far as
Kill myself
For someone else's actions
I needed to do
What was for the better.

Games

That should be me
Holding your hand,
But you left me
For her,
All those times you
Said you loved me,
You never really meant it.
Just said it to
Amuse me,
Pretending,
Because while I
Was sleeping next to you
I know you were
Dreaming of her.

But what she doesn't realize,
Is eventually
You'll do the same to her.
Pretend
And use her for your own pleasure,
Then break her heart,
And abandon her
On her own,
In this cruel world.

Ever thought what could happen
To these girls,
And boys?

We felt so safe around you,
Then you leave us to become a victim
Of rape,
Sexual
And physical assault,
Abuse,
And a never ending list of possibilities.

I love you still,
Even though I shouldn't.
But everyone
deserves second chances,
Even you.
You may have
Betrayed me,
Used me,
Broke me,
Not loved me,
And who knows what else.
But,
It's not fair
On my behalf to not
Give you a second chance,
But do I trust you with it?
You said you loved me,
And I gave you the same
Unconditional love.
The thing is,
If I gave you a second chance,
Would you have a relapse
Of the past?

The New Kid

I went to class the next day,
Depressed as always.
I couldn't think straight.
The door silently opens.
I look up to see who was late,
But it was someone new.
A guy,
About five feet
Seven inches,
Maybe eight I can't really tell.

I recognize you.
I have talked to you before,
I know you,
But I can't recall who you are.

You may be mad
I can't remember you
But I was most likely
Wasted,
Or high,
Or some other option to where
I don't remember a thing.

I just got over a guy
About a month ago,
And was having a rough time coping.
Even though the way he treated me
May not have been proper,
I loved him dearly.

But then you walk in,
At a college party
I didn't even want to be at.
At 1 am,
At some persons house,
I met you,
And I changed.
I fell on a cement floor for you,
But you didn't even know it yet.

Later that week,
I got my schedule,
You approached me
But I couldn't recall who you were.

Just a warning,
I may be socially awkward but,
I was fine.
I played it cool,
For awhile.
Just contemplating
A way to approach you.
So I sat quietly,
In the back of the room,
Just brainstorming,
Trying to figure it out.

Finally,
Three days after you arrived,
I figured it out.

I wrote a note,
Places it on your desk,
And awaited anxiously
For you to read it.

Once you did
You looked around suspiciously
But,
Seemed to secretly know who it was.
You had a smirk,
I wasn't sure wether that was
Good,
Or bad.

Once our class was done,
I tried to zoom out of class,
But sure enough
You caught up to me
And tapped me
On my right shoulder.
I jolted around
And you smiled.
I attempted to do the same
But I don't think I was successful.
It was an awkward start
But it was the happiest i had been
In quite sometime.
"Hi." You said,
Rubbing your arm slightly.
I replied almost mocking you.

You asked if the note was me,
But you knew the answer.
I told you anyways,
Just to reassure you.
You smiled,
And unexpectedly
Asked me to go to Danny's with you,
Tomorrow night.
My voice shaking,
I accepted.

And that's when our journey began.