Aurora | H.S.

25. my sunshine

"Don't worry about it," she assures sweetly. "Look, Diana, I'm so sorry about everything."

"Don't apologize. He made his choice a long time ago," I tell her, shrugging. "I'm just glad he's found what makes him happy. That's all I wanted for him."

She furrows her brows, parting her lips but nothing comes out. Around us, the grocery store bustles on. It's a shame that things worked out this way since I am certain we would've made great friends. The ring on her finger glistens beautifully against her skin. A shape stab of jealous hits my heart. "You and Eliana are always welcome at our place," she tells me. "Just give me a call, okay? We can have dinner." I simply smile and nod, but I think we both know that it's an empty promise. It's not that I don't want to, but it's more about me going back there. It's where I found out Harry was leaving, and we also made love on her guest bed upstairs.

Avery walks away with a soft see you soon, while I stand here with just a pint of ice cream in my basket. I'm sure she thinks I'm pathetic. I take a deep breath before continuing shopping. I grab as much from my list as I can, knowing that my next paycheck won't be for another two weeks, and until then I've got to find a way to pay for the electricity bill this month.

The cashier is an older woman with cold eyes. She barely says hello to me when I start putting all of the items onto the conveyor belt. I made sure I grabbed Eliana some blueberries—I almost forgot. The guy at the end bagging the groceries looks about sixteen or seventeen, sighing heavily as he makes sure it all fits into the brown bag. My gaze shifts up to the isle over as loud giggles erupt.

A toddler sits in her dad's arms, her tiny hands to his cheeks as he pouts his lips for a kiss. My heart aches as I stare at them, watching as she leans in for a kiss.

"It's twenty five ninety two," the cashier says.

I nod quickly, scavenging my bag for money. I give her twenty six dollars and she and toss the change in my back along with the receipt. With the heavy bag in my hand, I rush to the car and leave the little girl and her dad behind me. In my car, I sit in the drivers seat with my cellphone out and the dash blinking on an empty message, waiting for me to type. I quickly type: I miss you, but find myself staring down at the three words with doubt. I erase them and type out: I hope everything's okay! How's the job? I delete the message and try again: I love you. Again, I delete it only to type out another three words: I hate you.

With my finger overnight over the blue arrow, I take a deep breath and decide against send it. I delete the message for the third time, tossing my phone to the passenger seat, carelessly. I whimper into my hands, the pain inside of me drowning me all over again. "I can do this," I groan to myself. "I don't need him."

I rest my head back against the seat and brush away the tears that fall down my cheeks. Sitting here, all I can think about is us. From the first day in the shop to the day he took me to lunch. His grape tossing to his lusting words. The blackout when we made love. The way he held Eliana in his arms, and the way she held him back. Laughter bursts from my lips as that day in the shop when he threatened to spray me with the hose plays back in my head. We were naive, but I loved the way his lips felt against mine.

We may be out of time, but that doesn't mean I won't spend my time with the memories we made. One day I was closed off to the world and the next I was ready to let my walls down to experience something new. It only taught me that love isn't fair. And it sure as hell burns when it's taken away.

I put the car in reverse and back out of my spot. On the drive home, I don't bother putting on the radio. I listen to my thoughts, reeling back memories as if I captured them on film inside of my head. It's warm in the apartment when I get home, but it's also quiet. With Eliana at daycare, I have the place to myself for a few hours, so I pour myself a glass of wine and sit at the dining room table.