Broken Dreams ✓

o11 | percy & eddie

I've never forgotten that day and that hug. It was the first time we met and I was, what, nine? Ever since then, when you'd come around for Mike you'd say hello to me or you'd bring me things like chocolates or strawberry laces or sometimes you'd take me out. I remember the time we went to Winter Wonderland, well the first time it opened in 2007. I was still twelve and it was the conversation on the ferry wheel I'll never forget. 

"Why are you so nice to me?" I asked you.

"I like you and Mike likes you," you said. Then you looked out passed the little metal gate closing us in the cart. London was really beautiful at night. 

"What's it like having a son?" I asked you, and I felt you look at me from the corner of my eye.

"I can't explain it much, it's difficult to even process my thoughts, let alone say them but I'll try, for you. Have you heard of Agape love?" You asked.

I turned to look at you, curious. "No. What's that?"

"Well, it's one of six Ancient Greek words for love." You responded. 

I looked out again, the lights on the rollercoaster ride opposite us catching my eye. "Oh. Six? For one word? That's a lot."

"Hmm, I guess so, son." You looked out too, although you were staring at the churros stand and the long queue it had.  "Well, it means a kind of love for everyone, a selfless type of love. The type where I expect nothing in return, but I give myself anyway. It's like giving money to charity, I give without expecting anything in return."

I turned to look at you, curious and surprised. I wasn't expecting that. "So having a son is like giving to charity?" Now, I admit I was half-hurt and I kind of wished I hadn't asked you the first question in the first place.

"No, God, when you put it like that, I sound-- I told you this was difficult to explain. Maybe I should try Philia love. Yes, that's it." You said. 

"Philia love?" I asked. 

"Yes, that's another Ancient Greek word of the six for love. It means having a deep friendship love, a bond, but there's another type of philia called storge (which is locked in the love of a parent and their children). It's like no matter what happens I'll always be there for Mike, love him once and I'll love him forever. I can never forget him. Even if he did something wrong and should feel embarrassed about, even if it hurts because he falls I'll always hold him because he's my son and I love him. I'll always love him." 

"I-" In that moment my eyes had never teared up fast enough. I really wished I hadn't asked you because then, in that moment, more than ever, I wanted that and I wished I wasn't abandoned by my parents. In that second, I missed something I never had and never would. I was a hopeless fool and yet I missed them, those people that made me like you made Mike. I wanted what you said about Mike to be true about me. 

"I should've stuck to Agape. It extends to love of strangers and not just family. You asked me why I'm so nice to you and I have no real answer, Harry," you said sadly.

"So you think I'm a charity-case?" I asked and you could hear the hurt in my voice despite my efforts as I took a deep breath and gulped it down like burning chilly beforehand.

Your eyes clouded with a raw sadness I'd never seen before. "No, Harry. But I won't lie to you. I do feel pity because you're an innocent who doesn't know his family and I don't wish that on anyone. But I like you, Harry. It's almost as if you are my grandchild, Harry because Lord knows when Mike will get around to it. You're the closest I've come and the way Mike is, the closest I will come. You're like a weight thrown overboard from a ship, I pity that you were thrown overboard, Harry. Who wouldn't? I'm nice to you. There are plenty of other kids at Aldertree, but I'm here with you because you're a nice lad who doesn't deserve everything that's happened to you." 

"I see your point, Al," I said slowly. 

"Harry. Even when you doubt me or the people around you, don't doubt yourself, trust in yourself. Another word for you Harry, philautia which means self-love in Ancient Greek," you said. 

"Phil-lau-tia?" I repeated. 

You grabbed onto the railing of the metal bar in the cart. "That's it, Harry. Don't forget where you come from, Harry. If you don't hide it, it can never be used to hurt you."

"But what about when people try me nicer because they find out and pity me? What then?" I asked you and looked straight ahead at London's skyline. 

"Tell them straight, Harry. It doesn't matter and it changes nothing because you're still you."

I wish you were still here so I could talk to you because right now, even the ocean has abandoned me. You once said I was a weight thrown overboard, but what about now, not even the sea wants me. All that's left is for me to sink to the bottom and find some rest on the seabed.

 I reached land once, but I was pushed back into the sea. I've swum for too long.

All the love, Harry.

// author's note //

unedited.

"All Hail His Grace Jon of Houses Targaryen and Stark, first of his name, rightful King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm."- me after watching Citadel scene with Sam and Gilly, ahhh, dying of excitement
&
I've been thinking a lot lately about R+L=J and I've come to feel sad about Elia Martell she didn't deserve to be locked in the red keep with her 2 infant children by the mad king and then have Sir G Clegane aka the mountain (the hound's bro) murder her infants and rape her with the blood of her children still on his hands and then kill her... poor lass, she's often forgotten about (bc of L+R), the pain and struggle she went through.
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on another GoT note, the casting for Rhaegar's has allegedly been leaked in the stolen HBO files as Wilf Scolding, meaning we might get another flashback scene with R&L from Bran in the last episode or something with Sam gets to Winterfell, although I'm not gonna lie, I do love the fan casts.

HOW WAS IT SEEING JON LEADING THE GoT SUICIDE SQUAD INTO THE WILDERNESS?

ps. all my author's notes have had GoT stuff in them, I'm sorry if you don't watch the show and have zero clue what I'm on about!

till next update,

L