Heavy Heart

"A fresh start"

"Athena, are you ready?" I heard my mother yell from the hallway.
I looked around my room one last time before taking the rest of my things and closing the door on my old life.

It's always hard to take the step to a new life ,but some changes can do us good ,in this case my heart ached with excitement and regret, part of me was ready to fly to another city and start fresh,but the other part felt safer in my old home.
I was never a very talkative person,I had a few friends, some people who can be trusted or so I thought,parents who used to love each other but somehow lost their complicity along the long way of life, they thought I never noticed and I chose to remain silent to avoid a real talk with them.
I always thought that I was better alone  because then I knew I couldn't get my hopes crashed ,or my heart broken.
I got into the car with my mom and dad, yes I was an only child maybe that's one of the reasons why I loved to be alone.
The car ride seemed to go on forever ,all three of us silent,not daring to speak loudly afraid to make things worse.The air was thick ,my lungs screamed for oxygen,my throat was dry,my eyes  swollen and red from the tears I've shed this past week, my mind was racing with thoughts trying to imagine the worst scenarios that could happen to me in my new life, and my heart was aching because of every silent sigh coming from my mother's mouth and the words battling inside both my parents' heads ,I knew they were trying their best to find a way to break the news to me ,to say those painful words, but I know that what made them hesitate to say anything was the fact that none of them was really ready to face the reality of the situation. They met when they were in university ,both of them in law school, they were 20, so young and so in love, in the heat of the moment they promised each other that they would stay together forever, but that was before my dad met another woman and started drifting away from his living dream with my mom. Yes,you got that right ,my parents were getting a divorce and my mom wanted me to fly with her all the way to London while my dad would stay in America until they both figure out what went wrong in their perfect fairytale, and of course they agreed that it was better if I left with my mother, on this decision as well I chose to remain silent and not fight.
We finally arrived to the airport, I got out of the car lazily, it was like my body didn't want to listen to my mind, my father took both mine and my mother's suitcases from the car and set them on the ground then he walked over to me.

"Look baby girl ,I'm really sorry, I know that this is hard for you but your mother and I need a little break to sort some things out." He said with a hint of regret and sadness in his eyes.

I looked at my father, holding his emerald stare and opened my mouth to speak but the words came out as a whisper from my dry throat. My dad looked at me confused.
"I said that both of you need to stop treating me like I'm dumb or something, I'm actually 19 and yes daddy I know you had an affaire with Julia and that's why you both chose to get a divorce but of course as always instead of saying it loud and clear to me ,you chose to remain silent until I'm settled in London and maybe after 6 or 7 months of lack of contact with you ,it would finally sink in my little mind that both of you are never getting back together." I finally said out of breath form my yelling.
I think that this whole divorce thing has affected me more than I wanted to believe.
My mom walked up to me and put her hand on my shoulder repeating "I'm sorry" like ten times.

I looked at her and back at my father ,I loved both of them dearly but at this very moment I wanted to be as far away as possible from them, I don't know why they still treat me like a child or some fragile thing.

"Why are you apologizing? The three of us know who to blame for this shitty situation." I said irritated.

"Athena language." My mom yelled.

I only rolled my eyes and took a hold of my suitcases,ready to leave, I looked back at my parents.
"Come on mom,lets go, or do you want to miss your flight  to freedom?"

She looked at me surprised and took her luggage ,the turned to my father whispering "Give her some time to cool off,she loves you." My Father nodded and sighed. After passing security, we finally got to the gate ,before getting on the plane,my father gave me a hug ,I hugged him back awkwardly ,I loved him but it would take me some time to forgive him for what he did ,I let go of him saying goodbye and walked inside the plane, my mom joined me a few minutes later looking really disappointed,I'm sure my little attitude bothered her.
After we settled in our respective seats ,she turned to me and stared at my emotionless face for what seemed like hours, I then decided to stop ignoring her and turned my head to face her.

"What?!"

"Really Athena? What was that?"

"What was what mother?" I replied in an innocent tone.

"What was that attitude with your father? How could you talk to him like that?"

"Mom, stop defending him please. We both know that he deserved it ,he cheated on you and lied to us for months and now we're the ones leaving to go to another country while he'll stay in our old house with his mistress and yet you're still taking his side?" I said angry.

"I'm not taking anyone's side, what he did was wrong but declaring a war against him won't make anything better." She answered calmly.

God, i hated to see her this calm ,she's taking all this like it's no big deal.

"Mom in which universe are you living? Seriously,how can you remain calm in a situation like this? If I were you, I would probably just throw all his stuff out the window and keep the house ,but no! Of course you chose to be understanding and instead of kicking him out ,you kicked yourself out." I said ,a dry laugh escaping my lips.

"Sweetie, I know this hurt you really bad but he's still your father."

"I don't want a father like him then, we were so happy and he had to go and ruin it just because he wanted to get some good time with a younger chick, it's disgusting, he's disgusting." I yelled.

"Honey ,please calm down, this is why I chose to take you with me somewhere far away, im pretty sure ,it will help us heal from all of this and maybe you'll find it in you to forgive him."

"I hope he's patient because it's gonna take me forever to forgive him." And with that being said,I put my headphones on and played my playlist, from the corner of my eye ,I noticed my mom sigh and adjust her seat turning her gaze to the screen in front of her, I can see that she's really broken but I don't understand why she's trying to hide it behind fake smiles. 
I just think that my father is an asshole who doesn't deserve her, she stood by him every moment of his life and he just thanked her by cheating on her, yet she's still calm ,she didn't cause a scene ,she just asked for a divorce ,I really don't know how she finds it in her to be this kind and forgiving, hell if my husband ever did that to me after 20 years of mariage, I would burn him alive or beat the shit out of him with a baseball bat after of course wrecking his car.

That's it for Chapter 1 for now, enjoy reading it!

xo Lilly