I Don't Love You

The Sun Still Shines When You're Not Around

November 4.

One year, five months after Vegas.

There are boxes visible in my background. Some are empty, turned over and just awaiting to be packed with the remainder of my belongings, but most of them are already filled, labeled, and stacked neatly against the wall. When Gerard sees them, his smile falters. His brow furrows, like he's trying to piece together a puzzle without having seen the full picture.

"You're moving." This much must seem obvious.

I nod. "Yeah, I am. I applied for a position as a juvenile corrections officer at a correctional facility in LA. I start in two weeks."

"LA," Gerard repeats dumbly. "California? That's... far away. A long way from New Jersey."

"Long way from New York," I add softly. "But it's not like I have anything holding me here. It's a good opportunity, a fresh start."

Gerard releases a quiet breath that almost sounds like a laugh. "You deserve a fresh start after all the shit you've been through."

I offer another nod. "Yeah, I think I do. A fresh start will be good for me. Maybe I'll meet new people. The people in Jersey suck."

Gerard snorts. The smile on his face falters just as quick though, and he says, "Mikey is moving to Las Vegas."

"He's what?"

Gerard sighs, running a hand through his hair. It's longer now, so it falls back into his eyes instantly. "He's moving in with Pete," he explains. "He's taking a year away from college and moving to Nevada to be with him."

"Are you happy about that?"

Gerard shrugs, looking torn between a yes and no. "I don't know," He says. "I want to be happy for him. He's my brother, he deserves to be happy. But I worry."

"Pete seems like a good guy," I say.

"I'm scared that he's rushing into it," Gerard tells me. His voice is low, secretive, like he's ashamed to be saying these words. "It's ridiculous, I guess. But what if Mikey is rushing into this and he ends up regretting it?"

"We all make mistakes," I say. "If it's a mistake, maybe it's one he has to make on his own. But what if it's not a mistake?"

"If it's not a mistake," Gerard chuckles. "I suppose we'll be getting wedding invites soon."

"It's crazy," I muse. "How that trip changed everything for him."

"It changed everything for all of us," Gerard says. "Even if we didn't leave on the greatest terms, at least we were talking. Which is more than we'd done in years."

"Because of that trip, my friendship with Bob was put to the test," I tell him. "It hasn't been the same since then, actually. I hardly talk to him anymore and we live in the same apartment."

"I stopped talking to my friends, too," Gerard admits. "Haven't talked to Ray or Bert since."

"You discovered your sexuality on that trip," I add. "I lost my virginity. We got married for a week--"

"We got divorced within a week," Gerard says, laughing. "That was the first time I'd actively kissed anyone. First time I got punched--"

"That was the first time I punched someone," I grimace. "Sorry about that, by the way."

Gerard laughs again and shakes his head. "I kind of deserved it."

"We both deserved it," I say, and rub the palm of my hand against my eyes. "If I could go back and punch me in the face, I would."

"Well, unfortunately, time travel isn't an option," Gerard sighs. "But... you're going to do some good, Frank. You can't punch sense into past you, but this job in California; you're gonna punch some sense into those kids."

"I can't actually punch them," I inform him. "They're still minors and it's kind of illegal to use physical violence when I'm trying to teach these kids not to be criminals."

"Metaphorical face punching," Gerard says. "Verbally punch them with some sense."

"I'm gonna verbally punch them so hard," I tell him.

Gerard laughs again, a sound that makes my stomach knot. And when he smiles, it's like staring into the fucking sun. "You're gonna do awesome, Frank. I think California is going to be really good for you."

"Yeah," I agree. When I sigh, it's like all of the weight I'd been carrying just... falls away. "I'm finally getting out of this stupid town. And with any luck, I won't ever have to come back."