Ashes to Ashes

my first taste of the drugs

I walked in the house and acted as if nothing had happened. Mom sat with some new guy and Megan was laughing with Brady in her room. I went to my room and locked the door. I looked at my bag. It was filled with pills and papers and a suicide watch notice. I put the pills in my bathroom and set the papers on fire and threw them out the window. I sat on my bed. I hadn't told anyone about the rape. It scared me and made me sick all at once. I needed something to take my mind off of it. I wanted to take more pills but I couldn't do that to Robby again. Not in the same month anyway.

Robby knew as well as I did that at within 2 months I would try again. Oh well. I got online and looked through music.

The next day was hell. I was used to waking up to morphine dripping slowly into my veins but without it I was going crazy.

The day continued on like this. I miss morphine and my evening pudding from the hospital. I missed Robby and Karen.

“Hey Quill. Me and some friends are going out tonight. Want to come?" Megan came in and asked smiling. Seeing as how the next time I would see her was unknown to me I agreed.

We drove there in Brady's car. An classic 60's blue Volkswagen Bus. I sat in the back with some guy named Johnny who looked like he hadn't slept in days.

We parked at a graveyard out it Tukwila. There, in the pavement middle, sat five other teenagers, two girls and three boys. Both girls had brunette hair and green eyes. They appeared to be twins. There was a boy resembling Johnny and another one with little to no hair. He was muscled and had a stern look on his face. Then there was the last boy I saw. He had shaggy hair like Robby but it was dark auburn and he had his lip pierced and his eyebrow. He was laughing with the boy who looked like Johnny but wasn't actually Johnny.

“What took you guys so long?" the twin with her hair in an updo asked.

“We had to make a stop" Megan smiled locked onto Brady's arm.

“So who's got the stuff?" Brady gleamed.

No one said a word, they just looked at me.

“Oh sorry guys! This is my sister Quill. She's cool." Megan said. “Quill that's Jessica and Amelia" she pointed to the twins. I didn't care to ask which was which. “And there's Johnny and his brother Greg." I nodded understanding the resemblance. “And that's Joe. He's is in ROTC" she whispered,” and that's Isaac" she said leaving only the final boy who had kept my gaze.

I gave a quick wave and a smirk. I sat down in the circle. Megan was glued to Brady and the twin with her hair down, who I assumed was Jessica, locked lips with Greg. I sat in between Johnny and Isaac.

Johnny reached in his small backpack and pulled out a long glass cylinder which I could only assume was a bong. It was normal transparent glass at the top but melted and danced with beautiful blue glass near the bottom. Brady pulled out a foil ball. Inside was a zip-lock baggie filled with weed.

Brady threw the bag to Johnny. Johnny filled the bong and got a light. He put his lips around the glass. When he came up he was smiling and his body slumped into a relaxed position. Everyone cheered and laughed.

The bong was passed to the right so I would be last. Megan smiled and said, "I'm Megan and i love Brady. This is my second round this month." she then got her bit and passed it over to Brady.

“I’m Brady. Meg is my babe and this is my fourth round this month"

"I'm Amelia and I love my girlfriend Lisa. This is my first hit of the month!" everyone cheered.

“I’m Jessica and Greg is my guy! I haven't had any weed since our last meet up." she too smiled at the drugs overpowering relaxers.

Greg and Joe just took their hits and passed it on.

“I’m Isaac and I'm not getting any! I have had 3 sets this month."

"I'm Johnny and love weed! This is my seventh set this month."

He passed me the warm glass bong that reeked with a sweet stench like no other.

“Uh I'm Quill. My best friends name is Robby. I have had 12 failed suicide attempts in this past year and have never had weed." everyone laughed and applaud and awaited my first response to my first corruption.

It was like magic. Like flying but you could feel the ground beneath you. Your eyes got close together and you head was a rocket.

The group laughed and shared random shit. I felt happy and dizzy and like I really fit in. We passed around a bong and a bag of Cheetos.

Megan went to the van with Brady to do what should be done behind closed doors and Greg took Jessica to the next part of the graveyard

Weed made you happy, horny, hungry, and hyper all in one sitting. I only took two hits so I came down pretty quick from my high. I was tired and a bit crabby. The sun was beginning to brighten the sky slowly. Greg, Jessica and Amelia walked home and Joe went and jogged home. Johnny decided to go to taco time about an hour ago and probably passed out half way there. It was Brady and Megan still going at it in the van, and Isaac and I outside.

“You can go if you want. I don't need a babysitter and the weed is all gone." I snarled chewing a cheeto.

“I’m not a mindless druggie like them. I have a head on my shoulders. So do you. Don’t be pulled too far into this trip up group." he said with kindness and wisdom in his voice. “I’m Isaac." he stuck his hand out.

I met it with mine. His hands were callused and I saw scars on his wrists. He must have seen me looking at them because he pulled his sleeves down.

“It’s ok I got ‘em too." I showed my own brandings. He smirked.

“What’s your story? I remember something about suicide last night?" he asked warming up to me.

“Oh well after my sister Karen left, mom became a whore. Megan found Brady and drugs and I still don't understand why I'm alive!"    He nodded as if he understood. " I just got back from the hospital from another failed suicide attempt."

" What do you miss most about the hospital." he asked as I wondered if he knee already what I was going to say.

“Morphine and pudding!" I smiled.

He shook his head and a large smile spread across his face.

“Well I have to get going but I definitely like you Quill. Hitch with Megan more. Oh and remember what I said about your head." he grabbed his back pack and left.

When I opened the back door I was hit with the smell of weed and sex.

Megan and Brady lay half under a blanket giggling.

"You can't drive can you?" I asked causally still in a bad mood.

"Can you drive us home?" Megan asked still laughing.

"I guess. I don't have a license though."

"That's ok just don't speed." Brady said like it was so obvious.

I yawned and got in the front seat.