Reoccurring thoughts

NAIVE girl

I'm no naive girl I know depending on someone's love isn't good neither is being desperate for affection and attention . I always was told that you have to love your self before you can love someone else . But I can't help but to day dream of what it would be like to be in love and have them be in love with me . I think I want someone to love me so badly because I don't know how to love myself. Love from family is expected but the feeling of someone seeing how special you are and just gravitating to you is something out of this word. I want to be that person they want I want someone to see something good in me because I don't see it myself . I hate how dependent I am for people's reassurance of me but I can't help but need gratification for everything. Ever since I was young I would have my eyes glued to the TV and see women being portrayed as desperate . The only thing in life they needed was a man , all their problems just vanished because the man saved her . I always knew that wasn't what I wanted I wanted to be happy because I created my own happiness , because not only is it unhealthy but what if one day they leave and now the only thing that was your "happiness" is gone. How are you supposed to keep it together? They held all the broken pieces that is you, together . Maybe I am a naive girl because I know the risk but I can't help but still day dream . Maybe one day I'll finally find the love for myself and the happiness I need.