Honestly? My emotions are a mess. I don't know what to feel nor know this feeling. It's over, isn't it? We're done, aren't we? Well, you are. I'm not. Why did it become like this? Was this some cruel prank? Somewhere deep down I hoped it was, because I would have forgiven if you.
That was always me, huh? Always the kind person to forgive someone, to pity someone. I was too soft, too kind. It felt like I was anyway, in contrast to you. I didn't think that you took it seriously, that you were just joking at first. But then we grew closer an closer.
I didn't know what I was doing nor did I know how this would turn out. It was unexpected and out of the blue. It was hard to handle, but I know you.
You don't like hearing pity from me and you don't like giving pity either. You always hated excuses, they were a pain to your ears.
But somehow, someway, my words came and you listened:
"I don't want you to accept my apology, it's better for the both of us if you don't, actually. No pity, no excuses.
Just a simple—
Sorry."
I still remember when I confronted you, my heart was in my throat. I had put a lot of thought and courage confronting you.
It's been weeks, months. I thought I was over you, but seeing your name on that screen drove me insane. You've already moved on and you have someone new. I honestly thought that you were just using me, and jumping for one person to the other. But I thought about it, you weren't that kind of person. I hope you weren't.
Every time I spoke to you I felt like I wore a mask, I felt like I had to put up a persona to please you. I didn't notice it, until you did.
You wanted me to take off my mask.
I didn't want to.
You'd hate me.
But you convinced me to take it off.
And I did.
You accepted me, for who I am and truly am. I—We, were happy. We were inseparable, I found a meaning to everything when I was with you. We became closer more than ever, I accepted you, you accepted me. It was a happy ending.
I thought so too.
Things happened, things that were out of your reach. You couldn't help me out of this one, so I stayed silent, I disconnected..for a while. I came back, and acted normally. I didn't even notice that the mask was on.
Then I made a mistake:
I ignored you.
You could always see through me, I didn't want you to see me in this pitiful state.
We argued.
I was so blinded I made excuses, forgetting that you hated pity. After that argument, we never talked anymore. I cried to sleep that night we argued.
But after all these times, I never once apologized, have I?
"I'm sorry."
I was the one who made the mistake.
It's okay though, I forgive you for forgetting that I was human.
But then, you left me unforgiven.
