❝the suicide of your friend was not a suicide. it was an escape attempt.❞
⤷in which the lives of ten boys become nothing more than games and something is hiding among them.
[a pentagon au]
{completed}
(#153 in horror 1/13/18)
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When Yanan woke up, the first thing he did was think of Yuto. And those thoughts were accompanied by a sick swirl in his stomach, a swirl that stayed with him through breakfast and right up until he left the house and set out for Yuto's. Yuto lived two streets down, and Yanan walked through the peaceful summer morning like it was winter. He was shaking, he realized, and hoping fervently that last night was a dream or a joke and that Yuto was okay. But Yuto wasn't okay, and the horror that had been on his face last night painted Yanan's mind until he felt half-crazy with anxiety.
He tried to think of the other times he had walked to Yuto's house instead. He thought back to grade school, when they had met at the bus stop. He thought of bikes and popsicles and races and hugs that eventually turned into fist bumps for reasons Yanan didn't quite understand. But they had been the ultimate childhood best friends; they were practically a part of each other's family.
When he reached Yuto's house and the front door was unlocked, he knew with a chilling certainty - a certainty that felt like it struck him and pinned him to the ground - that last night was real, all too real, and nothing was okay. So he rang the doorbell. And Yuto's mom was slow, very slow, to answer, another signal that something terrible had happened. He couldn't stop thinking of Yuto babbling about the demon.
When she did open the door, Yanan's hand immediately flew to his mouth.
She looked horrible.
Her normally youthful face seemed aged; wrinkles prominent and eye bags deep, from which dull eyes regarded him. Regularly, she'd smile upon seeing Yanan (Yuto always joked that she loved him more than her own son), but instead, her face crumpled a little more. Tear tracks shone on her cheeks, and she looked...used-up, somehow, like she had cried all her tears and was empty.
"Yanan, sweetie, I'm so sorry," she choked out, reaching toward Yanan's face. Her hand stopped an inch from his cheek, then fell to her side. Yanan hated that she was apologizing to him. "I-It's Yuto, my beautiful boy, he's..." She let out a dry sob while simultaneously opening the door wider for him, like her hostess instinct was the only strong thing left about her. When Yanan closed the door behind him, he put an arm around her, ignoring the awful sick feeling filling his entire body. He refused to let himself think about why Yuto's poor mother was too sad to even cry anymore. But he had to know.
They sat on the couch in the living room, the living room that was filled with photos of Yuto and the rest of his family.
"What happened?" Yanan asked quietly.
"Yuto -" She pressed a shaking hand to her mouth very briefly before forcing the words out. They looked like they took pieces of her heart with them. "He killed himself and I found him h-hanging in his closet."
Yanan couldn't properly describe the feeling that came over him them. It was something like a giant, twisted claw ripping into his chest and squeezing his heart; the breath was knocked from him. His head was a mess of he's dead, he's gone, my Yuto and it was screaming, whirling, inside him, smashing at the inside of his skull like it wanted to be let out.
And he ran to the bathroom and vomited, just threw up, oh God, he couldn't stop and even as he did, his stomach felt like it was filling with acid and being pummeled over and over. And the state of his heart - that was something else entirely. Something that screamed over the rest of the noise inside Yanan's body and head, something that screamed to be recognized and felt even though Yanan thought he'd feel this pain forever.
Because Yuto was gone forever.
Yanan stayed with Yuto's grieving family for a little longer, but he couldn't bear it. When he got home, he locked himself in his room and cried like he had never cried before. Then he texted the group chat.
the pals + hui
yanangery um so who's ready for some bad news yanangery like really bad news
imtiredbcofu what did you do this time
yanangery its actually bad, hui im serious and i wish i wasnt yanangery just get everyone to my house
He turned his phone off, wiping his tears and hating the stupid group chat and the stupid usernames because he'd never see Yuto's god-awful "baseballman" username that he'd had since they were in middle school typing ever again. Then he went downstairs and told his mom, barely getting through it. There was something about a mother's hug that made you cry harder than you believed you could. Yanan hated the feeling of crying and he found that he couldn't stop. And while his stomach had stopped hurting (he felt awful about throwing up in the Adachi household), his heart felt sick. Like his chest was caving in. He waited for his friends to arrive aimlessly. He kept getting up and sitting back down, playing with his hands before dropping them in his lap.
Changgu was the first one to show up, and the second he saw Yanan, he pulled a tissue from his pocket and dabbed at Yanan's face.
"Yanan, what happened? I saw the group chat, and I swear, if someone hurt you, I'll -"
"It's not about me," Yanan said in a weak voice. "Just wait."
Changgu cuddled Yanan until everyone arrived. Yanan looked at all of his friends and felt a lump rise in his throat and oh God, it hurt, everything hurt so bad, but he forced it back.
"Where's Yuto?" Hongseok asked. Hui did a reflexive head count at the question, and Yanan found himself wearing that mangled smile that popped out in terrible situations.
"This is actually about him," he said. He became aware of his mother watching from the kitchen, a look of heartbreak on her face. His lips pulled down again and he found himself stalling at the threshold of the words he had to speak. "He committed suicide."
Then he hid his face as his friends gasped. Changgu immediately burst into loud sobs and Hongseok, the one who was the most composed out of all of them, turned his back and wrapped his arms tightly around himself, like he was trying to keep himself together. Yanan felt the sorrow in the room hit him like an arrow and his friends were shuffling together as the room filled with ugly, jerking breaths and sobs; they shuffled together until they could all feel each other and they could all reassure themselves that they weren't alone in this terrible, spiraling sorrow. And they all felt Yuto's absence.
In the doorway, Yanan's mother turned her face away, a tear going down her cheek. This was their moment. They needed each other.
a/n: I DEADASS HAD THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER WRITTEN ALREADY AND I WAS GONNA EDIT AND PROOFREAD BUT THEN I FORGOT?? FOR LIKE A LONG TIME?? IM SO SORRY JFJDJ
