You Have To Embrace What You Are

3. Reality is hard

Marne's pov
I wake up as a sunshine of sun falls on my face. I try to cover my face with a pillow but someone stops me. I look up and I see Alex. Well shit. It was real. I fucked him. "Well, was I good? " I ask him smirking.  He smirks back and says : "I barely feel my legs " and I answer with same.
"May I ask you something? " he asks. (A/N I missed writing shit that ain't got no meaning. But its OK. I'm back. In black.;)) "You woke me up to ask me something? OK. But then may I sleep? " I answer with a question.
(A/N GOD WTF IS WRONG WITH MEEEE?!?!) He nods and starts: "Well, actually its not just one question. Its two. First I want you to explain me what's with that notebook and second why do you have so much scars all over? "
OK. This is the last thing I wanted to talk about now in the morning. Or ever. "So I have to start from the beginning. My parents have first met at Lennon's last concert in the 70s. Mom was 10 and dad was 10 as well. Later, they found out that they are going to the same school. They have always been friends since then. Ten years later, I appeared. Dad never wanted me. Only mom. When I was 5 my parents got into a huge fight.  The next day mom left and I was supposed to live with dad. After she left, dad has become an alcoholic and started to beat me. He never wanted to hear what I got to say, like Mon used to do. At first he would slap me. Then when I was 8 he started to throw whit bottles after me. I always had marks because of that and since then I started to wear long clothing. No one knew why except for me and my father. He was always drunk. And if he wasn't drunk he has going to buy something to get drunk. One of a hell of a hobby. Time after time I started to talk less and after a time I stopped. Its kinda creepy that I still can. Its hard to talk after a long time. My mind was burring me alive and you are my hope. But let me go back to the story. So, when I was 12 he first raped me. It was horrible. At that age I started to be attached to the paranormal and metal. No one knew why because I never told anyone. Everybody sees me a def. That's all. Really. And sine I was 12 everything got worse. But I know, I could always do something but if I go to the adoption center, you know, no one will adopt me. Why? Because they don't need such a thing as me. And as the time flew I started to get sadder and sadder. Slowly my sadness turned to depression and the depression turned to a huge one. And the huge one turned into numbness. I haven't felt something for more that 7 years, since I was 8. But its OK. After a time you start controlling it. IRS hard but possible. " and then I stop for a second. I haven't talked that much, ever and I felt so good. A warm tear has fallen down my cheek and Alex kissed my forehead. "So I explained the cuts now the other one. " OK.
"Since my mother left I have seen things. And no I don't have anything like schizophrenia. A year ago my father took me to a psychologist to see what's wrong with me but it was only anxiety and depression. So,  sometimes when I fall asleep I hear a voice coming from outside saying things. Random one. The creepy thing is that the next day the things it or whatever is says happens. So, I took this and started to write. And that's not the only reason why I own this. So, whenever I go to school, I find in the same place, a ticket. It always has one word written on it. I take them and put them in the order I get to make sentences. And the last reason I have this is because a year ago, wile I was sleeping I felt something cold touching me. I thought it was my father and I ignored it. But after like 5 minutes I felt something scratch my back and as I turn around I don't see it. Sometime it comes to me and does shit like that. And the scars on my back have the same writing type as the ones on the tickets. I think it's the same thing. I want to find it and see why it does it. "
He looks at me .
"Go away and never come again, slut" his words cut me like a knife. I knew he only wanted me for sex. But I could dream, right?
(A/N well here's a new one. Well, I hope you like it.  Plz share n like n com. 👋)