The Confessions of a Broken Heart

Confession 1: The Techno Mistress

Confession 1: The techno mistress

I hate his phone....he may not be cheating with a woman whose prettier than me or even smarter than me no, his mistress is more demanding and the worst part is she lives in his pocket. I can see how she would be appealing; with her slick curves and her shining face always ready to complete any task he gives her without complaint. She can find information in seconds and lets him fulfill his needs playing game after game while faithfully reminding him she has no real needs.

He ignores me in public, we can go to a restaurant on a date and I feel as though I am the third wheel to him and his phone he will be glued to her alluring screen smiling as he beats his score or catches the Pokémon he's been after for weeks now. He doesn't care that it hurts me to looks around and see that others are looking at me sitting there and thinking, oh that poor girl look at her looking at him while he is looking at a screen. Went to a theme park for his birthday last week, he was with the phone until it died, it took 2 hours for his phone to die. We could have gone to the park totally separate at that point while I enjoyed the view and the moment, in which I found myself, he was enjoying his phone and the games that she allowed him to partake in.

No it doesn't matter to him at all, because when I talk to him about tell him how I feel about what do I get in return? I get I don't understand, that I am crazy that I don't like it I can walk away? But how? How do I get up and leave? I have 5 years of my life to this man which roughly equates to 1,800 days. He has never once cheated on me with a woman, which I could probably leave him for. However the problem is that he is now in a fully committed relationship with his techno mistress, and how can I compete with that? My curves are ever changing, I don't hold an endless black hole of knowledge, I question him, and I guess for him I just make life to real.

I confronted him yesterday about his techno mistress and I was told that I was overreacting that I needed to get a grip and stop being so insane. But I'm not insane! I wish I could have had he strength to tell him that he is obsessed with her and her that doesn't even exist. I wish that I could have walked away right then and here but I didn't...instead I laid down my arms and told him that he was right an after that I returned to my room, my sanctuary and closed the door. I found much need comfort in my sweet bed as I cried and screamed into my pillow he was downstairs... in that moment I realized that i was on my own in a relationship that I was too weak to leave....

I know that I am not the only one who is dealing with this techno mistress that has plagued my relationship. I know that others have felt the same pain that I feel; others perhaps are just stronger than I am. This is my confession...