Between (First Two Chapters Only)

Chapter 2:1 Defiance

After two days of constant crying, I ran out of tears. Filled with self-pity and shame, I emerged from my room to shower and brush my teeth. I refused to even glance in the mirror, not because I'd look pathetic, but because I'd see Emma in my reflection. 

 Emma and I had often been mistaken for twins with the same slender build, hazel eyes, and long, brown hair, except I had more bronze highlights and Emma had more blonde. I combed my hair, put on clean clothes, and went downstairs to face the family.

Dad and Jimmy were eating breakfast at the kitchen table.

"Want any cereal?"Jimmy asked.

"No. I'm not really hungry. I'll just have a glass of milk." I got a glass out of the cupboard and sat down at the table. I grabbed the milk jug and poured myself some. Every movement I made seemed surreal.

"When will Mom be home?" I asked.

"Some time later this morning," Dad answered.

"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat? I can make something for you," he offered.

I shook my head. "No thanks. It would just stick in my throat."

I sipped my milk while Dad and Jimmy chewed their cereal. The silence was deafening. The usual breakfast banter was absent, because we were all too sad to talk.

Jimmy and I decided to watch Wild Kingdom while we waited for Mom. Jimmy loves animals, especially big cats. Ever since he figured out that the initials of his name, James Allen Green, spell JAG, he's been obsessed with jaguars. Jimmy snuggled up beside me on the couch, holding the stuffed jaguar I gave him for his birthday. Was it only three days ago?

Jimmy and I were still sitting there when Mom got home. She kissed Dad hello and sat down between us. She looked exhausted. She put her arms around us and held us close.

"I love you both so much."

"I love you too," Jimmy and I said simultaneously.

"How are the Gray's?" I asked.

"Taking one day at a time," she replied. "They are very sad right now."

"Because they miss Emma," Jimmy said.

Dad must have explained to him what happened to Emma. I was too busy bawling my eyes out to be a supportive big sister: another thing to add to my guilty conscience.

"Yes," Mom agreed. "They need us to help them feel better. Do you want to go see them?"

Jimmy nodded his head.

I stared at the floor.

"Emma's memorial service is today at 3:00. Everybody that loved Emma is going to be there. We need to hurry and get dressed in our Sunday best. Jimmy, let's see if that blue suit still fits you. Emily, you should wear your navy skirt."

"No," I whispered.

I rarely defied my parents. Usually I just did as I was told, even if I didn't agree with them, because I knew they loved me and only wanted what was best for me, but not this time. I was prepared to fight or flee if necessary, but I refused to go to Emma's funeral. I wanted to remember her laughing, singing and dancing, not lying lifeless, silent, and stiff in a wooden box.

"I'm not going with you," I informed my parents.

My parents looked at me like I had just sprouted three heads.

"Of course, you are," my mom demanded. "You are part of this family, and this family helps each other in times of need."

Red dots clouded my vision until I literally saw only red. I was so angry at Bryan Bennett, for killing Emma with his reckless driving. At Emma, for choosing to be with Mickey instead of camping with my family. At my family, for expecting me to go to her funeral.

I was even angry at God, for letting her die. But most of all, I was angry at myself, for ignoring my intuition. I should have done something.

My fury faded as fast as it began, and my vision cleared. "Emma's dead. Nothing that I do can help her now," I protested in vain.

"Emily Green, enough," my dad commanded. "Go to your room and get dressed." I knew better than to oppose my father when he used that tone. His word was final.

I fled upstairs to my room and slammed the door. I seriously considered not wearing the navy blue skirt, but I didn't want to upset my parents anymore than I already had, so I changed out of my comfy clothes and into the slim skirt, a matching blouse, and my black flats. There was no way I was standing for hours in high heels.

I opened my door and sat on my bed. I crossed my arms over my chest and waited to be summoned downstairs. I felt like I was trapped in a straight jacket. It wasn't fair. Not only was Emma dead, but I had to be seen in this absurd outfit in front of hundreds of her family and friends. Crowds made me extremely nervous. What was I going to say to all those people?

I started hyperventilating. Gasping for air, I stared at the DVD on my dresser. This was a thousand times worse than the talent show. I heard Emma's voice from that night telling me to breathe.

"Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. I'll be right beside you."

We promised we would always be there for each other, but Emma was gone forever. I couldn't stand beside her casket and listen to strangers tell me how sorry they were for me. I had to find a way out of this predicament.

Different scenarios swarmed through my brain, making my head hurt. I leaned back against my pillow and closed my eyes. I tried to breathe slowly, in and out, in and out. I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew Jimmy was tapping me on the shoulder, "Emily, it's time to go."

"Okay. I'm coming." I grabbed my purse and followed Jimmy to the van. I buckled Jimmy into his car seat and gave him his bag of toys. I flopped into my seat, put on my belt, and slammed the door. It was impossible to sit comfortably in a vehicle with a tight skirt. I glared in protest at my parents as they sat in their front seats.

Dad put the van in drive, and we headed for Wilkesburg. Jimmy chatted with my parents and played with his toys. I didn't say a word to anyone. I pretended to sulk, but I was actually planning my escape from Emma's memorial service.