Amour

ii. wishing it away

WISHING IT AWAY

"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." -Steven Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

She was fragile. You could tell just by a mere glance. Her smile was small and delicate, never quite reaching her eyes. All her features were not only beautiful, but frail as well. Her eyes were like glass, always gauzy. It made it look as if they could just shatter as a result from the gentlest touch and tears would come pouring down like the rain. Her hair was something one would simply die for, it was the faintest shade of blonde I had ever seen, long, cascading waves of heaven.

Everybody always looked after her with the same wistful glance. They all wanted her. They wanted to talk to her, be romantically involved with her, and who knows what else. They knew though, something like that could never happen. She was above everyone, in a way that was unexplainable, but at the same time, you could tell right away.

"Luke." When she whispered my name, it sounded like crisp leaves, falling gently to the ground on a fresh autumn day, perfect. Every single damn thing that she did was perfect. She was flawless.

What made me fall in love with her though, was not because she was perfect; it was because I saw that even somebody so perfect has a story. We all do, but some of us have it easier than others, we have our story already written for us, handed to us on a gold platter while others have to fill in the blanks. "Hey Arabella," I muttered, but the sound of her name came out smooth without even trying, her name suited her well.

She started softly but her voice rose slightly with every word, like a wheelbarrow gaining speed as it tumbled down a hill. "I wanted to know," she paused, and shakily took a deep breath, as if this was all new to her, "if you would like to be my date for the Miranda dance." The Miranda dance was usually the most popular dance, the one that everybody looked forward to, because it was the only dance where the girls ask the boys.

Arabella looked up at me with an anxious look in her eyes that was foreign to me. "Of course." I replied, without any doubt, as I took her smooth, pale hands in mine.

She glanced down at our locked hands, and I watched as a smile began to form on her beautiful lips. She stood on her tippy toes and kissed my cheek. Her lips felt soft and hot against my cold skin.

She hugged me, and burying her face in my sweater, she said in a muffled voice, "Can we ditch this whole scene? Luke, I know pretty well you're going to tell me I'm insane but I'm perfectly capable, you know." She moved her head and peeked up at me. When our eyes locked, she tried the puppy eyes trick.

It actually worked. "You better not do that to me ever again." I told her with a chuckle. I picked her up into my arms as she squealed and told me to let go. Still carrying her, I ran onto the field behind our school.

The flower crowded field looked breath taking, especially now, since it was the springtime. I forgot the last time I had skipped school; it had been a while ago. I took a deep breath, everything smelt fresh and earthy. Suddenly, I heard a shriek and a certain somebody telling me that I had better not drop her.

I dropped her.

It was fun, sitting on the field with that one other person, not doing anything, really. The last person I did this with, though, I lost her. "Luke? Can we just tell the truth for five minutes? We can just say what we're afraid to say, and let the truth come out."

"Whatever you want Arabella." I replied. But, when I glanced over, she only looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "I'm serious okay, it is 10:48, let's start... now." She leaned over to wrap her warm arms around me. I laughed and said, "Arabella want do you want?" She asked me if I could pretty please with a cherry on top go first. Fine, I replied.

"You're making me fail math because all I ever to is stare at you."

"I love how I have to stand on my tippy toes just to kiss your cheek."

"I don't like standing next to you because you always manage to make me look like a scumbag."

"When you blush it drives me insane."

"I would pay a million bucks to hear you sing again."

She smiled at me. "Do you want to hear me sing right now?"

"Oh god, yes."

"I'll sing for you later," she said teasingly.

"Your hair is incredibly sexy all the time and I have an urge to run my fingers through it right now."

"Then do it." She replied flippantly so I ran my fingers through her smooth, silky hair.

"That made me want to moan but I don't want to make you want to rape me."

"What if I already do?"

"Stop it, we're getting off track." I murmured, "But you can later." I continued with a wink.

"I could smell your cologne all day long and not get tired of it."

"When I kiss you, it tastes like coffee and strawberries and the most delicious things in the world and I wonder how you do it. It works though because it makes me want to kiss you again and again."

"Do you want to kiss me right now?"

"I would but I want to hear you say flattering things about me first."

"I hate it when I see you looking or talking to other girls because it makes me think that you want them more than you want me."

"Are you serious about that?"

"Isn't it obvious? Yeah, because I really really really like you."

I stared at Arabella, and sighed. Then, with a voice that I knew was barely audible, I said, "You know what really hurts, Arabella? I hurts that you only really really really like me because I really really really love you when I know you'll never feel the same way."

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this is for amber because she's amber. i swear she's my belgium sister from another mister. i love you so much; thank you for everything.