Ever Since New York | h.s au |

Entry #1

October 2nd, 2012 ; 6:36am ; New York, NY

I'm venturing the streets around my flat today, since my psychiatrist insisted that I step out of my comfort zone and explore. He says that I spend too much time indoors and that it makes me timid to new experiences. I say that I'm an introverted human being that isn't fond of the outside world, but he ignores me. He's a nice man, he's just trying to do his job. To fix me. Though I don't believe allowing a stranger with a medical degree to probe my thoughts would cure my mental illnesses, my mother and sister do. Gemma attends NYU as an English major and works an office job to help us get by easier. I suppose I could get a job to help out, but Dr. Worten, my mother, and Gemma refuse to let me do so.

I decided it's easier to be outside early morning where the atmosphere is most calm and there's not as much people. Too much people make me nervous and Dr. Worten says that my anxiety disorder can worsen if I dive in too quickly. He says that I should take baby steps in introducing myself to people and crowds and such. He said sometimes he's afraid that I'll become claustrophobic if I bite off more than I can chew. I think I'm doing pretty okay with the meds that he put me on. They help me relax and don't make me sleepy. I'm supposed to take them every morning after I've eaten something.

That brings me to the bakery a couple blocks from the apartment complex. It's quaint and homey, the perfect size for a bakery. There's a bell atop the door than jingles when I push it open, startling me slightly though I brush it off. There's a couple of booths and tables around, picture frames and art pieces adorned the painted walls. There's racks of fresh pastries and bread including a little display of sweets arranged in alphabetical order. The air smells like yeast and sugar. It's nice because it reminds me of the bakery back home. I'll be sure to bring Gemma 'round if she's ever free. The menu is hung from the ceiling in nice print, listing off the usual paraphernalia in bakeries. I don't make eye contact with the few people inside, counting my steps as I pad towards the cash register to order. I keep my eyes on the display as I speak.

I order a simple latte with a plain croissant and I'm forced to look up as I give the cashier the amount tendered. I say thank you as loud as I can muster, though it still comes out as a wispy breath. A breath that is caught as I look into tired brown eyes. I quickly dump the change into a glass jar besides the register and cast my eyes low as I make my way to an empty booth near the window. My face is burning red as I hide it in my hands.

The cashier was a girl, she was probably around my age. A pretty girl, at that. No, she wasn't pretty. That word doesn't describe her. Why would I choose the word pretty to describe a girl who literally just took my breath away? She had milk chocolate brown hair and a splatter of freckles across the bridge of her nose. Her eyes were around the same color, maybe a little darker. Her lips were nice pink that were heart shaped and she had dimples in her chin as she spoke. I recalled looking into her eyes again, my heart still thumping inside my chest, but I don't think I've ever felt more calm.

{ A/N The chapters won't be this long, I only plan on around 300words for each. This was longer because it's like introducing the story and such. Hopefully I don't give up on this one. Love y'all<3}