Reaper

Hospital (Part 1)

   When I woke, I was lying in an surprising soft hospital bed, the smell of, well, hospital filled my nose.  I was quite dizzy and confused but I could hear beeping, feet shuffling, walking, and running across the floor outside my room. The faint squeak of carts, probably carrying towels down the hall and muffled yelling and talking. 
   Tears flooded my eyes as I remember what happened, I looked down at my wrists, but there was no sign of any cuts.  As I started to get feeling back into my body, I felt a needle in my arm, it throbbed a little around it.

"They must have put it in recently"

I groaned. 

'but if they put it in recently then the cuts would still be on my wrist.  This is all so odd'

I thought to myself.  Just as I went to sit up the door to my room opened and I was met with the eyes of a younger lady.  She seemed like she was in her late 20s early 30s.  She had bleach blond hair, and brown eyes with a yellow tint to them.  She seemed about 5'5 possibly 5'6.   She raised her eyebrows and looked at me with  surprise,

"well, it's good to see your recovering, now that your awake, your doctor will want to ask you a few questions on what happened.  Do you know why your hear, miss Celestine?"

The lady asked, you could tell she was trying to act like this was normal, but clearly I wasn't supposed to be awake, maybe I wasn't supposed to even be alive.      
   Memory's were slowly filing back into my head, I could only remember bits and pieces of what happened. 

"Where is Bryce?"

is all I could say.  I didn't know if I could recall much of what happened, right now and I wanted Bryce to know I was okay. 

"I'm sorry, who is bryce?"

Her eyebrow raised again, and she seemed to be questioning my state of mind.

"he's the one who found me... He's my umm, my boyfriend.  He is about 5'7, semi long black hair,  usually is wearing a bright green sweatshirt, loves to tell jokes."

I explained, hoping she would have an answer for me.  I was desperate to see him, he was my everything.  I changed my mind when I saw him, I didn't want to die.  That's why I told him, everything would be okay.

"Ah yes, I remember him now. I believe he is still in the waiting room.  We told him he should go home but he utterly refused.  He said he wasn't gonna leave until you woke up or passed away.  Would you like me yo have him come in?"

She explained, I took a deep breath of relief that he was still hear, I looked at her and smiled, happier than I have been ever.

'I guess it takes an attempt at your life to make you realize life is worth living'

I thought.

"That would be wonderful, if you can have him come in.  I miss him a lot."

She returned the smile

"Will do, miss Celestine."

She turned around and left, the sound outside my room grew louder as she opened the door for a few seconds then went back to a dull muffle after it closed, making a light click noise. 
   As I waited, I lied back down and thought about what happened.  All I could recall is cutting down my wrist and the horror on Bryce's face when he saw all the blood.  Then I told him to would be okay and everything went dark.
    The door handle moved and I jolted upright, wrong move on my part, I fell right back down and stayed there, the door opened, the noise got loud again, then it lightly clicked shut.  I knew that would get annoying to some point in time.  I closed my eyes before any tears could drain out if them, I took a deep breath out, as I took another breath in, I realized I had been holding my breath.  I heard the sound of sneakers squeak against the tile floor, then they stopped right next to my bed.  I closed my eyes harder but I couldn't hold my tears in much longer.  Then, a hand pushed its was through my hair, and I relaxed, keeping my eyes closed, but not squinting. 
   I slowly opened my eyes to see Bryce, tears finally made it out and they rushed down my face, like waterfalls down cliffs.  He was just staring at me, running his hand though my hair, over and over again.  He took in every detail, every little thing, like this was gonna be the last time he saw me.  His face was red, from hours of crying I assumed.  He still had tears on his face and his eyes shined with new tears as we looked each other in the eyes.  I broke eye contact and stared at the ceiling then I slowly sat up.  I knew Bryce would try and stop me, but I managed to sit up and scotch back, so my back was against the pillow, propping me up.  Bryce did his best to give me a hug and it seemed to last forever.  I smiled. 
   When he finally decided to let go, he looked around, sat slowly down in the seat next to my bed and broke the silence. 

"I lied to them.  I told them that you were attacked, and that the attacker made it look like a suicide."

"Did they believe you?"

"Well yeah, of course they did, there a hospital remember? They would believe anything you told them."

"Why did you lie?  That doesn't help my case.  And I can't come up with some... Some random story and get someone innocent put in jail!"

"You don't have to.  I mean you....  You slit your wrists.. There was so much blood loss, you can get away with saying you don't remember what happened."

Bryce shook his head, more tears running down his face as others rushed into his eyes to replace the ones that just left.

"Clementine, why did you kill yourself?  You died you know.  They said you were... You were dead.  I sat in that waiting room, praying that it wasnt true.  I... I was ready to go home and... I'm just glad your okay."

He was crying worse them me now, he just couldn't hold it in any longer.

"I just... I couldn't take life anymore.  You can only be called a whore, a bitch, or a boy toy so many times before it starts to bury itself into your brain, soon even you start calling yourself that.  You can only be called to fat so many times before you start seeing fat that isn't really there.  You can only be called ugly, so many times, before you start to see it, like everyone else.  And soon, that's all you believe. 
   Plus school stress, home stress, my grandfather dying and my dad drinking to high hell and back.  I just thought, if I slit my wrists, if I died, I would be at peace.  No one would have to worry about me, no one would have to pay for me to get help, I wouldn't take up space, time or money, and I would be at peace and happy."

My heart skipped a beat, as I realized that none of this was true.  I finally opened my eyes and saw the truth, I was worth everything. I deserved life,

and that was why I was still alive.