Living with depression but getting better every day.

23/07/2017

I had my birthday party yesterday and it was actually kinda fun.
My friends were the we drank a few beers and talked.
I forgot to take my meds today and that didn't go so well for me.
Do you ever have the feeling that you are perfectly fine and the next second that you are going to relapse? I have that all the time rn.
And that doesn't really make the situation I'm in any better.
It's summer break and I am still stressed out.
I thought if school is over I will be fine but guess what I'm not.
I called my dad yesterday if he wanted to come to my birthday but I guess I got my hopes up again because he didn't want to.
I feel so stupid why did I even ask?
It's not like he would come anyway... my little sister wanted to go to the city so yeah I'm not important enough.
My little sister is two I don't know why he didn't just say no whats so hard about that.
Sometimes I feel replaced by her I know it's not fair to say that but my dad and his girlfriend were trying to get a baby when we didn't had contact.
I am really stupid and dumb to think that.
I really fucking hate myself.
How long before I relapse?
How long before I cut again?
How long before I am not here anymore?