haven ☞ l.s

0.10

+

"Hey Lou?" Harry asks, one day. "Does it ever bother you, that we don't do scenes at Haven?"

He's past the days of being too anxious to ask these things, but he's still wary of not being enough for Louis. He's working on it.

"Course not," Louis replies, while pouring a teaspoon of vanilla into the cake batter. "You know that already."

Harry is teaching him how to bake a cake, since Louis told him he's never made one in his life. Evidently, it's two of Louis' students' birthdays tomorrow, so they plan on bringing small slices in for the whole class. It's ambitious, but they think they can do it. Rather, Harry thinks they can, and Louis is willing to sit back and watch Harry bake the other two cakes.

"What brought this on?" Louis asks.

Harry blinks. "Just, we haven't been to Haven in weeks. Wondered if you miss it."

"I don't miss it," Louis says. "If you wanted to go, I'd be happy. But I'm just as happy without."

Harry nods and starts stirring the batter. "Well because I was thinking, like, if you wanted to, um. Maybe we could do that one scene? At Haven?"

"What scene, Harry?" Louis asks. He's been making an effort to be painstakingly clear about what Harry wants, now that they're getting to more serious things.

"The—Um, sensory stuff."

"You really want to do that at Haven? For the first time?"

When Harry raises his head, Louis looks skeptical. "I dunno," Harry says slowly. "I just think, like. I wouldn't be able to see them, so I won't get scared. But I'll still know they're there."

Louis nods along, considering it. "If that's what you want," he says. "Then, yeah. I'm all for it. Are you sure you don't want to do it first at home?"

"I don't know," Harry says honestly. "It's—I've never done this before. I'm just guessing that since I won't be able to see anyone, it'll be better. It would feel more like a hypothetical situation, but. Like, good. I don't know how to explain it."

In his head, he's constantly thinking of scenarios that put him in new environments or situations. Being at Haven, participating, is something he's been thinking about a lot, but his nerves have always held him back. While blindfolded and deaf, however, Harry thinks he could get over it.

"I want to try it," Harry says, a sense of finality in his tone. "I know that I could stop you at anytime, and I want to try it."

Louis can't argue with that, so he just nods and kisses him on the cheek. He goes back to baking as if the conversation had never occurred.

+

Harry has to admit—he's putting a lot of stock into this Haven visit.

It feels like he's coming full circle. The last time he'd properly been to Haven, he was scared, and didn't know what he was doing, and had just barely met Louis. Now, he may still be nervous, but he's got a much stronger grasp on the things he wants and doesn't want, and he and Louis are closer than ever.

He doesn't like to think about what will happen if he doesn't like this. If he arrives at Haven and immediately regrets it, he doesn't know what he'll do. Louis won't be disappointed, he knows that already, but Harry would be disappointed. He would feel like he's failed at being submissive, doomed to not be able to please Louis for the rest of his life.

So, Harry might be a little more worried than he thought he was.

He's determined, though, and he's only waiting for Louis to initiate things himself. He never would've thought Louis would be the one more reluctant to do a scene at Haven, but it's becoming evident that he is.