Dark Lillie

30.

"Are you fucking crazy!" He goes to open the toilet seat up to throw out the last of what I had.

"No! no-no-no-no! Niall don’t!" I panic, weakly trying to take the bag back.

"Lillie stop!"

It takes all my energy but I block the toilet and try pushing him away. He could probably lift me with one arm and move me if he wanted to, I was being manic though. And I think it scared him a little. I was persistent on getting the bag, but he sees his opportunity to move me out of the way and he takes it. I cry, trying to tackle him down but it was already to late. I hear the flush of the toilet and I can feel my legs go weak.

"N-No! no, fuck, no!" I let him go crawling to the toilet. "What have you done! Why would you do that!" I sob still staring into the toilet. I kept hoping they might come floating back to the surface.

"Lil-"

"Fuck you! F-Fuck you! W-Why, would- I n-needed them! I needed them!" I yell, choking on my own sobs. He just stared at me in horror. He kneels down to my level, trying to pull me to himself. I scream and sob, fighting him off as best as I could. But he clearly was stronger then me and didn’t give up until I wore myself out, falling onto his chest. I must have looked like a hot mess. I was a hot mess. Naked, frail, beaten and a druggy. I wanted to say so much. I wanted to scream at him, to kiss him, tell him how sorry I was, push him away, pull him closer. I was a train wreck. But all I did was sob into his chest. It was all I could do at the moment. I feel Niall start to cry to and pull me tighter to him. It wasn’t just a cry though. He goes into full sob mode. It broke my heart. So I pull him closer as well.

And there we were. Sitting on the bathroom floor holding each, sobbing. Broken. A mess. And at the moment I didn’t care if he hated me or not, it was just finally nice to have him hold me again. To have him here with me. Even if it was really shitty circumstances. I didn’t know if I’d be able to get through this, but it made it easier knowing he was here. For now, that was enough.  

~~~

(A/N *Warning; the following might be a bit disturbing*)

 ”Do you want to talk about it?” Niall asks handing me a cup of water. I sniffle pulling the covers to the bed closer to me. “Was it Sawyer? Did he get you started?”

All I do is nod.

"Did he do that?" He jesters to the bruises that were visible. I know he’d seen the other ones, that were now covered, thanks to an old shirt that was left here.

"No, no. Sawyer was trying to protect me from the guys who did this."

"Protect you?" It came out more like a demand.

"I’m really tired Niall." I try dropping the hint I really didn’t want to talk about it right now. He goes to say something else but stops himself and nods.

"I’ll be on the couch."

"W-Wait, please, stay with me."

He looks down hesitating for a minute. I could tell he wanted to but I could also tell something was holding him back.

"Maybe I should stay on the couch." He says in a small voice.

'I know you hate me Niall, I know but I've-“

"I don’t. I don’t hate you. You’ve given me a lot of reasons to, but I don’t. But right now I can’t look at you without thinking about what they did to you. I just need to take a minute to myself Lillie. Please."

I just nod. He takes a deep breath running his fingers through his hair, then leaving to his couch. I understood what he was saying. I didn’t blame him actually. I had no right to. I was just scared he was going to disappear any minute. Like this was all a dream and I was going to wake up with Chaz or back in that horrible place. In hell. But I should have known that my hell wasn’t that place. It followed me. My craving. My own personal hell. I tried going to sleep so I could at least try to escape it for a little while. But as soon as I woke up from what felt like a second long sleep, it hit me like a ton of bricks. And then my own personal hell came to life.