The Call (a TMNT fanfiction)

Chapter 3: Invasion

"Mom, why don't we have a dog?" Benj asks.

Mom sighs. "Because dogs are too good for us."

"Are cats too good for us?"

"Benjamin, our entire family hates cats."

"Are pigs too good for us?"

"Yes."

"What can we get?" I ask.

Mom sighs. "You can each get a pet rock."

Rose comes back in and reclaims her seat on the coffee table.

"Did you find your saber-tooth cat?"

"No, but I found a dog."

"We just had this discussion," Mom says.

A commercial comes on that shows an ad for a cruise to Canada. There are a bunch of Canadians holding hands and making a line across a grocery store.

"I wanna go to Canada," Mallory mumbles.

"I wanna go to Canada too."

"Let's just go pack our bags," Rose suggests.

We all continue to sit, motionless. Leo finally speaks up.

"This would be the worst reality show ever," he says.

"You know, that's a good idea," Rose says. "Let's make a reality show."

I nod. "We'll call it the Kings. And Leo."

Rose and Benj turn to Leo.

Rose raises her eyebrows. "You're Leo? Mom says she's so excited for you and Lexi to have turtle kids."

I have never tried so hard to keep a straight face in my life.

•••••••••••••••••

"But seriously, don't feel offended," I say.  "We don't usually interact like normal people on Sundays."

I sit in the chair in front of my computer in my bedroom.  My feet are propped up onto my desk, and I face Leo, who stands next to the wall, leaning against it.  He smiles and shakes his head. 

"I understand.  At first, I was wondering if I should introduce myself or something.  Well I guess that's good to know."

"Yeah, Recluse Days are the best. You should join them more often. It's a way of interacting and bonding with each other...without actually interacting and bonding with each other. Mikey would never be able to follow the rules though."

"What rules?"

"Well," I begin, taking a deep breath. "You have to speak like you're bored out of your mind and you have to say every thought that comes to your mind. We've been doing them since I was seven."

"Wow...that's actually really clever."

"My dad thought of them. He wanted us to be able to tolerate each other more, so he made us all sit in a room together. Eventually, we just got rebellious and ignored each other. Then it evolved to what we do now." I smile. "I think of my family as ostriches. They like to run into walls and dig their heads into the dirt."