Unexplainable [Original Version]

[chapter twenty-four: "like a fuckin' drum"]

"Thank you, Scott. Thank you." Joli lets out a small sigh. "You've been waiting years for me to get my emotions sorted out, haven't you? You've had some sort of interest in me ever since we met, for some reason or another." She chuckles softly. "Fuck, this is tough."

"I've loved you for a long time, Joli. Many years have passed since we first met, but I've not stopped loving you for a single second. At the end of the day, all that really matters to me is your happiness. If there's anything at all that I can do to help you figure yourself and your feelings out, just tell me."

"I appreciate the support. I'm just so torn because of all of this. I want to try and move on and I want to try and have a real relationship. There aren't two people on this Earth that I trust more than I trust you and Kev. I just..." Joli once more trails off to gather her thoughts. "I'm sorry about this. I really am."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. You didn't mean to steal our hearts the way you did." I have to joke around with her some, right? Joli chuckles and that makes it worth it. "I love you far too much to be upset at you over anything related to this. But, it'd be a lie for me to say I wouldn't jump in the fuckin' air if I happened to be the guy that you chose to start a new relationship with. I mean, I'm an asshole and you deserve better, I know. But if you're willing to give me a chance, I'll do everything I can to make you the happiest damn woman in the world."

I swear, this conversation is a lot harder for me than I had thought it would be. I can't really judge Joli's reactions all that well over the phone, since I can't see her. It's impossible for me to shake this feeling of dread and worry; I've always been so confident with women but it's so different when Joli's involved. I don't want to ruin anything with her. I don't want to lose her.

And, I know I won't lose her if she and Kev get together. She'll still be my best friend and one of the greatest things to ever happen to me.

I'm a damn fool, aren't I?

"Scott?" Joli's voice startles me from my thoughts. "Thank you for talking to me for a little bit. I'm going to go smoke and try and figure all of this out."

"You sure? If you want to keep talking, we can." I can't tell her that I need to talk to her more, for my own sake. "If you need a smoke though, I won't hold you."

"I love you, Scott." Goddammit, there goes my heart again, beating like a fuckin' drum for Jolene. "I'll see you in a couple of weeks when I return to Nitro, all right?" I want to tell her that I'd planned on coming by to see her this week, but I don't. Instead, I just smile sadly to myself and say something else.

"I'll see you then, babe. I love you. Enjoy your cigarette."

"Or ten." Joli jokes before letting out a small chuckle. "See ya."

"Later."

As I sit my phone back down on my nightstand, I can't help but laugh to myself. Oh, isn't this just great? I want to say that I did everything I could to win her over, but I know I didn't. I love Jolene Milford with all of my heart and soul but when the moment came to prove that, I fuckin' froze. I panicked.

Fuck, I can't feel sorry for myself right now. I don't have time to sit in a puddle of self-pity.

I turn my television off before heading into my bathroom and walking over to my sink. I turn the faucet on and bend over my sink, so that I can splash some water onto my face. I run my hands along my cheeks and my forehead and my chin and my eyes, so that I can wake myself up and get a damn grip.

I crack a grin at myself as I stare into my mirror: I'm a good, handsome man; I'm a nice, caring father; I'm one hell of a catch! Things with Joli will be just fine.

After I turn off the sink, I wipe my hands on a nearby towel and head towards my kitchen. Might as well get started on that breakfast, right? It shouldn't be long at all until Cody gets up. I start working on our food as soon as I get into the room.

I hate the uncertainty in the way I feel and the doubt that clouds my mind, but for today, I'm going to act as though I'm perfectly fine. I'll be okay.

"Dad? Good mornin'." I turn around once Cody's sleepy voice reaches my ears. He's rubbing his face as he tries to wake himself up more, and he just barely drags himself over to kitchen table. Cody's arms instantly fold over the table and he rests his chin upon them.

"Hey! Mornin', Codster." I greet him with a grin. I check the food real quick, and after determining that nothing will catch fire if I leave it alone for a few seconds, I walk over to my boy. I ruffle Cody's hair and happily kiss his cheek. "Breakfast will be done in just a few minutes, okay?"

"Okay." Cody mutters, his sleepy gaze following me back over to the stove.

I'm blessed, with this little guy in my life. Regardless of what happens over in Michigan, today is going to be a damn good day for me, because I get to spend it with my boy.

I just pray that Cody and I both actually do have as good of a day as I hope.