Unexplainable [Original Version]

[chapter twenty-three: "after all this time"]

I love her. I really do.

"Nope. I mean, there were all kinds of kids that would invite me to go hang out with them and go on little adventures back in the day, but I never took them up on the offers. Come high school, I kept to myself, mostly, and barely bothered even leaving the house." Joli looks up at me, her green eyes complimenting the nearby trees perfectly. "I didn't realize I'd been missing out on so much."

"There are a lot of little things in life that are a lot more than anyone could ever give them credit for being." I chuckle as I let my hand drop back down to my side.

"Thank you for bringing me out here."

"Thanks for coming with me."

We stare at the scene for a couple of minutes, and the more time passes, the faster I feel my heart beat in my chest. This is it. This is where I have to do it.

I walk over towards the trees. Joli follows me, and after I take and release a long breath, I stop in my tracks. Joli sends me a confused look, but I turn to her and place a single hand upon her cheek. Without much more thought, I lean down and place the most passionate kiss I've ever given anyone upon her sweet lips.

Dear God, let this not end badly.

I don't really give Joli enough time to return the kiss; I pull back rather quickly. She looks shy and even more confused than before.

"You've never kissed me like that before." Joli comments softly before making her tone a bit more teasing. "You must really want to fuck in the woods, Nash."

"It's not that, babe..." I remove my hand from her cheek and move it up to my own forehead, so that I can wipe some sweat off of it.

"Then what is it?" Of course she's not going to make this easy on me.

"It's a bit more complicated than that. I thought this would be a lot easier for me to get off my chest than it is." I watch carefully as she once more folds her arms across her chest. Joli's nervous, but I can't read if she's feeling good or bad about this. "Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?"

"I mean, I think I do, but I'm probably wrong, and-"

"Jesus fuck, Jolene," I let out a small, nervous chuckle; I must look like a fuckin' mess, "are you really too blind to see how I feel about you? Really? After all this time?"

The realization of the situation hits Joli like a bus. She swallows hard and starts rubbing one of her arms with her thumb; I can see a damn sea of emotions traveling across her pretty little face.

"Joli, babe? Please, just say something."

"I-I really want to say something, I do, but I don't know what to say. I mean, I guess I'm technically saying something now, but- ah, fuck." She mutters before letting out a sigh. "Kim told me this wouldn't be that hard, but oh fuck, was she wrong. I wish I had my cigarettes on me right now."

"If you really don't feel the same way about me, it's completely fuckin' fine. I just wanted to-"

"Kev, no. Please. Don't do that to yourself. Are you really too blind to see that I feel the same way about you?" My mouth drops slightly and if she didn't still look so conflicted, I'd throw my arms around her and pull her close. No, God, tell me she doesn't- "I just... I don't know what to do. I'm scared, first of all, and I also..."

"You love Scott too, don't you?" I try to keep the pain out of my voice, but based on her reaction, I don't hide it very well. "Fuck, I should've known. Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Kevin. I don't. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure all of this out, but I just don't know what's right and what's not." Tears start to form in Joli's eyes and I immediately frown. Please don't cry, babe... "Even if I could make some sort of decision there, I'm just... I'm fucking afraid. I'm afraid of dating. I'm afraid of giving so much of myself to someone and just having it end in flames."

Joli throws her hands up in the air before turning around and walking over to a nearby tree. She rests her arms against it for a moment and places her forehead against her arms, in some sort of attempt to calm herself.

"I'm sorry, babe, but you've not got to make any kind of decision right now. I really just wanted to let you know how I feel. If you love me and want to be with me, that's totally fine. If you'd rather be with Scott, that's okay, too. If you want to just wait on all of this, you can." I walk up behind of Joli and place a hand on the middle of her back, rubbing it as comfortingly as I possibly can.

"I want to make a decision." Joli coughs to clear her throat before she turns back around to face me. She takes both of my hands into hers and holds them up level with her chest. "I just..."

"We can talk about it when you're ready. There's no rush at all." As soon as I smile at her, Joli smiles back at me. "Let's head on back to the house and find something eat, shall we? We've been out here a while."

"Sounds good to me." Joli lets out a small chuckle before squeezing my hands. She then lets mine fall and uses her to wipe away the small tears that had escaped her eyes.

"Ladies first." I motion towards my four wheeler with as charming a grin as I can manage and, after playfully shaking her head at me, Joli walks on over and jumps on it. I follow behind her and get on after her. "Don't forget the shades." We both slide our glasses back on.

"Kev?" Joli stops me before I start the vehicle.

"Yeah, babe? What is it?" She pauses for a moment, then wraps her arms around my waist and says something that I've been waiting years to hear.

"You do know that I really do love you, right?"

I feel my heart jump out of my chest as I finally tell her, "I love you too, Jolene." I feel her chuckle as she presses her cheek against my back.

"Let's go get that food now, okay? And my God, I need a smoke."

Now it's my turn to laugh. I turn the four wheeler on and start taking off as I reply to her.

"Your wish is my command!"