Torn ||Luke Hemmings|| AU

20

A/N: I take no ownership for any of the song lyrics used in this song they are property of 5SOS and all credit for the lyrics goes to them.
Luke POV
Kissing her or being with her at all in any setting was like my happy place in this place where everything was a broken nothing could be fixed including my mind. I've tried to be normal again and it just wouldn't work. My foster Moms has put me through just about everything from therapy to pills and it wasn't that I was stubborn and that I didn't try it was that no matter how hard I tried nothing worked so we figured it was better to just let it be.
Jazmyn makes me the most normal I have been in a while and I can tell that with us there is a kind of connection or understanding that she just doesn't have with Calum.
I can't continue on with this if she doesn't know the real me though, I can't let her leave Calum for me if she doesn't know my past or anything about me. She really doesn't know anything about me. I feel bad for not telling her then again I don't know a lot about her either so I guess we are both at fault here. I also refuse to allow her to cheat on Calum.
I don't think she is going to leave him if given the chance though. He has so much more to offer than I do. I can offer her my broken heart and fucked up mind and all the love I can possibly give but he is perfect. He has the chiseled features and the charming smile and the wonderful personality. He also hasn't almost killed her once. There's a lot more to love about him rather than me.
Soon after she leaves I pick up my guitar again. I pluck on the strings and strum the chords as I sing, "Even though my dizzy head is numb I swear my heart is never giving up. You're the only reason. The only reason." I smile because I really like the lyrics, I wrote them last night after she left to bed and they were some of the best I had ever come up with.
I jump at the sight of Kathryn in the door, she is smiling with tears in her eyes at the sight of seeing me play again.
Playing again has made me the happiest I've been in a while besides Jazmyn. I have to admit although it brings back old memories that I'd rather forget than remember, I've missed it like crazy.
I can feel the ghost of my younger fingers on the frets of the guitars attempting to write my first song and now I have written near thirty and done just as many covers that no one will ever see. I tried to put together a band once, in 8th Grade but the one thing we couldn't find was a bassist who wasn't a complete dick. Ashton Irwin was our drummer and Michael Clifford was our other guitarist and vocals. It is safe to say we were all equally disappointed.
The thing about the foster care system is that they try to keep you in the same city if possible, sometimes it's not. Back then I was living in Richmond, Washington then I moved to Seattle again to come live with my moms and Michael, Ash and I lost touch. I'd give anything to talk to them, they were easily my best friends and they were certainly some of the best people I've ever known. Michael was always made fun of with people calling him 'emo' and 'a cutter'. When in reality he was very funny and very peculiar at times but it was him and I wouldn't have traded him for anyone else. Ashton was the golden boy, always laughing, very outgoing. I was the quiet and mousy but very cute and cheeky one when I wanted to be. If they could only see me now. I'm not sure that Michael and Ash would even recognize me, much less talk to me the way I look. Michael probably still dyes his hair with harmful brain poisoning dyes and Ashton is probably even more a ladies man flashing his dimply smile round with a killer jaw line. Oh shit... I had forgotten that Ashton was two years older than me. That would make him a sophomore in college now, well going into his sophomore year in the fall, I wonder where he ended up and how he's doing.
I'm only seventeen with all these tattoos to hide my arms full of scars, I had figured out that that didn't work very well when I was sixteen and I got one for the first time. If anything it emphasized them more.
"Mom." I said with longing in my heart for my two best friends. "I need to get on the computer." As she nodded her head I started my search for the two.
I was going to find them and talk to them again after four years, hopefully they didn't think I was a stalker.