Farm Girl Has Bad Boy (#3)

Chapter Thirty-One

“I’m so sorry, River,” he murmurs into my hair after he’s wrapped me in a hug. He holds me tightly, not wanting to let me go. “I wish I could have been there for you last night.”

I shake my head in his chest, blinking back tears. “It’s okay.”

“No, River,” Emery says, pulling back. His soft hands cup my cheeks, raising my gaze to meet his. “You went through something really hard and I wasn’t there for you.” He drops his hands, shaking his head. Running his palm over his short hair, he meets my eyes again. “I know I haven’t been gone very long, but I’ve been gone long enough to know things need to change.”

I watch him cautiously. “What do you mean?”

Emery turns around and takes a few steps away, rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand. He turns around, as if he’s going to start pacing but walks right back up to me.

“I mean that how things were before, they weren’t good.” He shakes his head again, staring at the ground in shame. “I never should have treated you the way I did. Being gone, even for the short time, really helped me realize that. But now,” he pauses, looking up to meet my eyes. “I can’t leave you. Not when we’re so close to the birth.”

Two Hours Later:

“Are you okay?”

I turn to look at Emery on Midnight, watching me with worried glances. “For the third time, yes, I am fine.” Rolling my eyes, I turn back to face forward, gently stroking Silver’s neck. In our family it’s always been tradition to ride out towards where we bury a horse, and it’s been the exact same with Ocean. However, since we’re now short one, Mary sits behind me on Silver too, carefully holding onto my sides.

“Emery, you’re exactly like an overprotective mother,” laughs my mom, carefully holding the wicker baskets on top of Dawn. “If it makes you feel any better, I rode horses up to the day I gave birth.” I cover my eyes in embarrassment, unthankful for the slow pace we have to walk at for the baby’s sake. “In fact, I was riding a horse the day my water broke.”

I watch Emery’s face grow extremely pale and I try to hide my smile. However, it quickly fades as we reach the top of a small hill, revealing Ocean’s grave a few hundred yards away, sitting alone. If I squint hard enough, I can see the fresh mound of brown dirt beside it where my dad had buried Patch. He said he’ll get something to mark the spot tomorrow in town, but now the only way we’ll know exactly where he is would be to look at the lack of grass.

“You know, my face looked exactly like yours does now,” my dad laughs, looking at Emery who looks like he’s going to pass out.

Though the day is grim, I give a small smile at the conversation. Either my parents are trying to lighten the mood, or they’re actually being happy. Unlike them, Mary and I keep quiet unless we’re talked to, mourning the loss of our horse.

“Do you need help down, River?” My dad asks when we come to a halt.

“I’m fine,” I reply, as Mary climbs off Silver behind me. She’s gives me her hand and I start to slide off when I feel firm hands around my waist, making sure I don’t fall. “I said I’m fine,” I tell Emery when my feet are firmly on the ground. He gives me a look as if to say I’m certainly not fine, but I quickly brush it off and head towards my parents.

“You ready, honey?” My mom asks, her voice gently. She wraps her arm around my shoulders and pulls me towards her in a half-hug.

“No, but let’s get this over with anyway,” I sigh in response. I grab the baskets from her as Mary steps beside me. She gives me a nod as I hand her a basket, and soon we’re ripping the stems off the flowers.

“What are they doing?” Emery asks my parents while Mary and I get to work.

“They did the same thing when we came here for Ocean,” my dad grunts in response, as if that’s supposed to answer Emery’s question. It doesn’t take us that long to finish decapitating the flowers, and when we’re done, we start dumping the stems and leaves over the fresh ground of Patch’s grave. When we’ve finished that, we start placing the flower heads carefully over the grave, creating a place that looks more bright and joyful rather than dark and depressing.

“Let’s get started, then.”

My dad says a prayer before we each take our turn, going up to the now flower covered grave, saying something, and then placing one of Ocean’s favorite pink Tulips on the plot. My parent’s go first, each sharing a small memory. Next is Mary, however I can’t hear what she’s saying as she whispers, but I have a feeling it has to do with how much he meant to her.

Since I go last, everyone looks to Emery. I have no idea what he’s going to say as I watch him take a Tulip from my mother’s hands. When he reaches the flowers covering the ground, he comes to a slow stop. Twirling the stem of the flower between his fingers, he stares down, thinking of his words.

“I don’t know how to say this,” Emery starts, so quiet that since I’m the one standing the closest to the grave, that I’m the only one who can hear him. “But I blame myself for how it ended.” He shakes his head and I can’t help but miss the absence of his shaggy hair. “If I had never come here, never caused all the aftermath that followed….”he sighs after he trails off, staring intently at the ground. “I’m so sorry.” He leans down and I watch as the pink Tulip slowly falls from his fingers, landing softly on the ground.

Emery returns to my side and everyone waits for me to go up. However my feet are frozen to the spot and my words are caught in my throat. As awful as it sounds, it is Emery’s fault for what happened to Patch. I don’t know why I hadn’t realized it before. When he showed up, he caused the traumatic events that happened afterwards.

“River?” I hear my mother’s worried yell faintly as my knees start to shake underneath to me. My vision starts to blur and the last thing I feel are the flowers as I pass out over Patch’s grave.