Falling Slowly

Chapter Twenty: Watery Smiles

“You read my bucket list!” I accused. “How...what…” I closed my mouth, unable to form a coherent sentence. His mouth lifted into a crooked smiling, finding amusement in my incredulity. I paced the small area, until a light flickered inside my mind.

I turned on my heel, squinting at him. “Is that the reason you took me cliff jumping? Because you knew I wanted to do it?” 

He rose, coming to stand right in front of me. He brushed away a lock of hair from my cheek and gently tucked it behind my ear. His touch alone made my knees grow weak. I inwardly chided myself. I was becoming one of those girls, and I hated myself for it. Liam wasn’t….he wasn’t…anyone special. He was just a guy.

He’s just a guy, I told myself –repeating it like my very own mantra. Just a guy. Just a guy. Just a guy.

“You still mad at me?”

I shrugged, looking down at my feet. Words weren’t very reliable in this moment. I felt like my tongue was stuck at the roof of my mouth or a cat had caught it in its, making it impossible to speak. “Anya.” He tipped my chin upward, and suddenly the choice to avoid his gaze was taken from me.

I gulped, swallowing back the lump in my throat. “No,” I said, finding my voice. “I’m not mad at you. It’s hard to feel that emotion around you when you do that.”

He cocked his head to the side, dropping his hand from my face. “Do what?”

I pointed at his face. The complete and utter confusion and innocence written in his slate-blue eyes was priceless. I laughed, finding enjoyment in his bewilderment. I now understood why he found it funny when I was at a loss for words. All the amusement suddenly died in my throat when he looked at my lips, his eyes trailing painfully slow, until his clouded gaze met my eyes. My heart throbbed in my chest. Pressed against me, I knew he could hear it, especially when the edge of his lips lifted into a smirk. That smug bastard.

“That,” I breathed.

He raked his hand through his hair, his brows knitting together. He played innocent (and he did it so well) when he knew exactly what he did to me. That smirk alone sold him out. Frustrated, I took his hand in mine, leading him back towards the sofa, his low chuckle reaching my ears. I pushed the folder into his hands, thankful to be rid of the burden.

Despite everything we’ve been through, I wanted him to know. Even the last couple of minutes hadn’t changed my mind on the matter. Underneath that thick layer of arrogance was a different side to him. There always was. I had been wrong. I thought that it had completely faded away, eroded and weathered by time and harsh climate. But that side of him had just been carefully hidden deep underground in a land mine.  

“There’s something you don’t know about me, something that I didn’t even know till recently.” He didn’t open the folder, waiting for my signal to do so. When I gave him the okay, he slowly flipped the cover over, uncertainty laced in his eyes. In instant, uncertainty was replaced by a blank slate as he slowly let the words on the documents sink in.

*

Liam had left an hour before my parents came home from their weekend in Montgomery. I was in the kitchen, aimlessly flipping through a Cosmo magazine and awing at the beautiful and chic styles the celebrities wore when I heard the click of the lock.

I sprang from my seat, running to the door. “Anya we’re-” I skidded to a stop, Mom’s words died on her lips as she saw me and not a second later I wrapped my arms around her.

“Sweetie, did you miss us that-”

“Dad!” He walked through the doorway and I tackled him. He caught me, the bags he was carrying dropping to the floor in a heavy thud.

“Woah…what’s going on?” he said, setting me down.

I helped them with their bags, shouldering Mom’s carry on and dragging their suitcases down the hall. I ignored Mom’s perplexed look and Dad’s raised brow as I dashed into the living room and grabbed the my adoption file.

I slapped it on the dining table, their expressions morphing into something that I could only call grim and weary – like they knew this was inevitable, and were waiting for this exact moment.

But if they thought I would ask questions about my real parents and about the adoption process, well, they were going to be utterly shocked.

Liam had convinced me to not ask questions tonight, and instead insisted that I tell them how much I loved them.

They need to hear it, and you need to say it no matter how much you think you don’t. You do.

I realized he was right when tears began to brim in my eyes and he tugged me to him, silently letting the tears flow down my cheeks. He rocked me in his arms just like when we were younger and I’d be teased by the other kids in our grade. Their words hurt me more than I could say, but Liam was always there.

He was just there.

“I-” I took a deep breath, willing the trembling in my hands to seize, and the lump in my throat to disappear. I looked at them, their brown eyes assessing my own. “I’m sorry for the way I acted the past week,” I began. “I was just angry and felt betrayed that you guys never told me about this. But I shouldn’t have acted like you guys did it with a malicious intent. I see now that it was because it didn’t matter. Because I’m your daughter…” my voice caught in my throat, hot tears welling in my ears. “Because I’m your daughter either way. Because you treat me as such, and you’ve never treated me like I wasn’t.” I closed my eyes, letting out a whoosh of air. “I couldn’t…I couldn’t have asked for better parents than you guys. I’m lucky. No.” My voice rose in fierce conviction. “No…I’m not lucky. I’m blessed. God gave me two great and loving parents. And I’m happy that it was you guys instead of some crazy people who would treat me as their ticket to free government money.”

My mom laughed softly, while Dad’s mouth quirked into a smile that lighted his eyes. I caught my reflection in the mirror hanging over Dad’s shoulder and seeing myself – red eyed, messy side ponytail, and runny nose – made my breath hitch in my throat. There was so much emotion swirling inside of me that I couldn’t keep it at bay any longer.

“I love you both so very much. I’m so sorry…I’m sorry…” I sobbed, feeling Dad’s arms wrap around me the next moment.

“Shhh…don’t cry Bug. Shhh.” His soft, lulling voice only made me cry even more. Mom’s hand ran through my hair, and I shifted my body to her outstretched arms.

“Sweetie, it’s not your fault. We should have told you sooner…but as the years passed; it just didn’t matter anymore. You are ours,” she said. I looked at her through bleary eyes and saw her own tears brimming on the edges.

“Blood alone does not make people family,” Dad said, standing beside Mom and taking her hand. His eyes were rimmed red as he struggled to be strong and not cry. I bit my lip, afraid that a sob might escape once more.

“It’s about the strong bonds that are made,” he reached out his hand towards me, my small hand engulfed by his. Mom and I locked hands, sharing a watery-eyed smile. “They hold people intact through thick and thin, never once leaving your side when the waters get rough.”

He kissed my forehead tenderly, wrapping one arm around me and Mom and bringing us in for one of his infamous bear hugs. “I love you both and don’t either of you forget it. Got it?”

Mom and I shared a look, smiling up at Dad. My heart swelled at the unconditional and irrevocable love reflected in their eyes when they stole a glance at each other. When they looked back at me, I hugged them closer, feeling complete and utter peace and joy for the first time in days. 

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